Boner Candidate #1: IT’S OKAY…THE TWO STATES THEY LEFT OFF WERE BLUE STATES.
President Trump’s newest merch has been exposed for inaccurately depicting the U.S. flag. Donald Trump’s official website is now selling a hat in celebration of the United States 250 year anniversary. The site describes it as “a bold expression of freedom, unity, and unmistakable American pride.” The hat has all of the classis patriotic imagery; Mount Rushmore, a bald eagle, and a U.S. flag. However, the flag on the front of cap has six stars running vertically, and eight columns across, making a total of 48 stars, rather than 50. The USA 250 Anniversary caps were present at a Cabinet meeting in the White House and placed in front of members of the Trump administration. Trump was said to have signed several hats for his administration.
Boner Candidate #2: J.P. MORGAN JUST PAYED 4.2 MILLION DOLLARS FOR A DELI PLATTER.
Brent Bodner, a former JP Morgan broker, was awarded $4 million in a settlement after being fired over a deli platter. In 2024, JP Morgan began to question Bodner over a $642.50 deli platter that he had charged to the company. JP Morgan claimed that Bodner had purchased it for a personal Super Bowl party, but it has been confirmed that it was actually bought for a pre-approved business meeting. Bodner’s assistant had even sought approval in advance to making the order. The Financial Industry Regulatory Authority ruled that JP Morgan must pay Brent Ryan Bodner $4.25 million in damages, with a 10% annual interest rate for the wrongful termination. “We vehemently disagree with [their] decision and are disappointed by this outcome,” a JP Morgan spokesperson said in a statement.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #3: WE TRIED TO EXPLAIN THERE ARE RULES AND PROCEEDURES.
Two Trump administration officials, Brandon Beach and Mike Brown, have been repeatedly urging the Bureau of Engraving and Printing to work on creating a $250 bill with President Trump’s face on it. The Bureau, which is responsible for printing the nation’s money, said that the move raised concerns because federal law currently allows only deceased people to appear on bills. The director of the bureau, Army veteran Patricia Solimene, and other staff have repeatedly tried to explain to Beach and Brown that legal and procedural obstacles would make producing the note a years long process. The two political appointees were dismissive in response. “She had told them we’re not authorized to do this. We can’t progress any further, and all the stakeholders have not even met to discuss the next steps,” said one of the employees. “Currency often takes six to eight years to produce a new bill, particularly one of such high value.” Soilmene has reportedly been removed from her position by Treasury management and Brown, formerly a senior adviser to Beach, has since been named the bureau’s acting director.
