!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #1: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF WE DUMPED OUR CRAP AT BEDMINSTER?
The White House has been dumping its construction debris on a nearby public golf course. This Debris has tested positive for lead, chromium and other toxic metals. The toxic metals, along with PCBs, pesticides, petroleum byproducts and other chemicals were detected at levels above laboratory reporting limits in the soil of the East Potomac Golf Links, a historic golf course that President Donald Trump plans to renovate. The park service began dumping debris from the East Wing onto the golf course in October. More than 810,000 cubic feet of excavated soil had been transported to the site as of last month. The report was requested by the park service. A spokesperson for the Interior Department said in an email that the soil removed from the White House “was tested multiple times, by multiple parties, and this project passed all standards set by law.” Debris from the East Wing demolition is so prevalent that it causes golfers to detour around piles of it, “If you Google you’ll see lots of photos of golfers walking past it.”
Boner Candidate #2: IF I ROLL UP THE WINDOW YOU CAN’T ARREST ME.
Police were called to an Orem Park when Melissa Dearden, a 49 year old mother, had allegedly showed up to to pick her son up from his baseball game while drunk. When police found Dearden’s vehicle, they say it was parked crooked and was going outside the marked stall lines. Officers watched as Dearden got into the vehicle and attempted to exit the parking lot without coming to a stop prior to entering the roadway. Police stopped her, and during the stop, officers stated that she wasn’t able to provide any proof of insurance. Investigators asked Dearden to exit the vehicle, to which she attempted to roll up her vehicle’s window. She only exited once officers threatened to break her vehicle’s window. Dearden was then arrested and is facing charges for driving under the influence, interfering with a peace officer, and no proof of insurance.
Boner Candidate #3: “I WON’T LIE, IT DID HURT QUITE A BIT.”
John Stephenson, a 50-year-old strongman from Halifax, West Yorkshire, pulled a 2-ton French police car 131 feet using his penis while set ablaze on April 30. The martial arts expert and former bare knuckle fighter used a rope attached to his manhood to haul the car down a residential street. Stephenson combined two previous stunts—pulling cars with his testicles and while on fire—to create what he believes is a world first. “I won’t lie, it did hurt quite a bit,” Stephenson said, adding “everything was still intact.” Stephenson aimed to raise awareness for prostate cancer, which affects one in six men during their lifetimes.
