Boners

Boner of the Day(Round 1 and 2) for January 8th, 2019

Round 1

Boner Candidate #1: YOU DENIAL SHOW WHAT A DUMB ASS YOU REALLY ARE.

A Florida Man denied ownership of three syringes removed from his rectum during a 4:30 AM strip search at a county jail, according to a criminal complaint.
Cops arrested Wesley Scott, 40, early Friday on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession. While being searched in the field, Scott denied having any illegal items concealed on (or in) his body. But when Scott, seen at right, arrived at the Pinellas County jail and was subjected to a strip search, he “removed three syringes from his rectum and provided them” to a jailer. Scott then claimed that he “found” the syringes and that “they were not his.”

Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD PROSTATE.

An Iowa man faced a terrible choice: have his prostate removed — or die of cancer. He chose the surgery, only to find out afterward that the life-threatening diagnosis was wrong. Advertisement Court documents show that pathologist Joy Trueblood at the Iowa Clinic admitted to misdiagnosing Rickie Lee Huitt, of Panora, leading him to believe he had only five years to live without the surgery. “I’m responsible — it was a horrible situation,” Trueblood testified in court documents that reveal her admission of messing up Huitt’s prostate biopsy. According to court records, Trueblood said “there were two patients that day that had prostate biopsies” and a “scanner glitch” got Huitt’s and another patient’s mixed up.

Boner Candidate #3: IF YOU’RE A MAN HAVING A ROUGH TIME; BLAME WOMEN

Fox News host Tucker Carlson believes that women who are financially successful are contributing to the decline of men across the country, according to a recent segment on his program. On Wednesday evening, Carlson described questionable trends using supposed studies that he did not cite or name on his show, saying that higher-earning women were emasculating men across the country. As “manufacturing and [other] male-dominated” industries went on the decline, Carlson asserted, schools, hospitals and other “traditionally” female-dominant roles went on the rise. “[I]n many areas, women suddenly made more than men,” Carlson said. He also claimed that alcohol and drug abuse were higher in areas where women were outperforming men, adding that there were “higher incarceration rates” in these places too, without providing specific data to support his point. As a result, Carlson went on to say, women earning more created societal problems for the next generation.

Round 2

Boner Candidate #1: SIR. YOU PICKED THE WRONG PLACE TO BE A KIDNAPPER.

A man tries to kidnap a woman by forcing her into his car, in north Charlotte. She breaks free, and runs into a nearby karate studio pleading for help. You can already see how this ends: with the suspect being carried out on a stretcher after a fight with a karate head instructor.

Boner Candidate #2: NO GOOD DEED GOS UNPUNISHED.

ELEY, Colo. – A Greeley good Samaritan stopped to help a woman stranded on the side of the road, but ended up getting robbed. During the heist, his puppy was stolen. “He was so cute,” Neal Hefty said of his 10-week-old Siberian husky-German shepherd mix. Neal Hefty couldn’t wait to surprise his wife with the dog. “Right away, I named him Patch because he has a gray patch right there on his left cheek,” Hefty told KDVR.

Boner Candidate #3: TEACHER HEATHER IS A PARTY POOPER

Heather Carpenter, a sub at Phillippi Shores Elementary School, will be arraigned Friday for allegedly sabotaging the principal’s party at a Sarasota park by dumping human feces on the grills and tables, news station WWSB reported. Police said 42-year-old Carpenter was angry over a complaint she filed at school and wanted revenge on the principal. The sub allegedly was witnessed in rubber gloves and a face mask around 6:30 a.m. Dec. 1 at Urfer Park putting fecal matter around the pavilion, which was reserved for the birthday party of the principal’s 6-year-old daughter.

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