Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for November 19th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: IT WASN’T THE BAD CHECK SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT

A North Georgia woman is accused of trying to cash a bad check before leading cops on a high-speed chase Tuesday afternoon, authorities confirmed. Rose Lynn Becker, 35, of Jasper, faces felony charges after Coweta County deputies responded to the Delta Community Credit Union on Ga. 34 after an employee reported she was attempting to cash a fraudulent check, the sheriff’s office confirmed to Channel 2 Action News.Deputies allegedly chased Becker’s black Toyota Camry onto Ga. 34 East. Deputies said she ran a red light, turned south onto Lora Smith Road and reached more than 70 mph as they passed through two school zones around 3:30 p.m. Those school zones belonged to Arnall Middle and White Oak Elementary. She’s accused of driving up to 90 mph during the chase. Deputies performed a PIT maneuver on Lower Fayetteville Road near Fischer Road, the sheriff’s office said. The sheriff’s office confirmed that deputies found cocaine powder in her vehicle. She also allegedly tried to consume several bags of white powder once she was taken to the sheriff’s office for questioning.

Boner Candidate #2: A FEW CRIMES AND LOTS OF HORRIBLE DECISIONS.

An Oklahoma man paid a visit a strip club at 3 a.m. — and police said that bad decision set in motion a bizarre series of events that resulted in him running naked down a country road. The man told police that he had been kidnapped by two men during a convoluted robbery that started after he went to the gentleman’s club, and officers were surprised to find his strange account largely checked out, reported KFOR-TV. About an hour after going to the strip club, the man joined a dancer he’d just met at an all-night diner called Mama Lou’s, where the pair struck up a conversation with two men — later identified as William Trites and Phillip Tullis — in the parking lot. The victim admired the Jeep they were driving, and one of them said he had others for sale. All four of them went to a storage facility in Moore, where Trites and Tullis insisted on patting them down for safety purposes before going inside one of the locked units. Once they were inside, the victim said the suspects laid out lines of cocaine. The victim and his companion say they refused, but the two men ordered them to snort the drugs.

Boner Candidate #3: EASE UP. HAVEN’T YOU FORGOTTEN TO LOCK UP THE ROLLS FROM TIME TO TIME?

When it comes to the winding journey of life, it’s important to remember some basic rules along the way. One of them might be, say, “Lock your doors if you’re going to leave a $50,000 assault rifle in a Rolls Royce.” While you’d think that nugget of wisdom would come naturally for most, it was apparently a lesson learned for Miami Heat center Hassan Whiteside over the summer. The 29-year-old Whiteside reportedly purchased an M16 assault rifle with ammunition, a silencer and a rifle bag for the low, low price of $50,000 on July 6 this offseason, according to 640 AM radio host Andy Slater. Per the report, Whiteside’s next move was to drive to the University of Miami for a workout. When he returned home the next day, he discovered the weapon was missing. After an investigation by police, it was determined that the gun was stolen when Whiteside left it in his unlocked Rolls Royce at the gun store. The rifle was reportedly discovered weeks later in a stolen car in North Miami.

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: HOW DID YOU FIND ME?

Police said they were able to catch an armed robbery suspect by following his path all the way to his home. According to Clearfield police, a man armed with a handgun entered the Pantry Petroleum on Bigler Avenue demanding money. The employees complied and the man fled the store with the money.Police said he left a path in fresh show that led to his home. When officers arrived, they found out the suspect was a juvenile. The money and gun were recovered, and the boy was taken into custody, according to police.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE MIGHT AS WELL CALL THIS THE ‘BLUE DART CHAMPIONSHIP’

Two pro dart players have accused each other of farting on stage during a match in England this week — casting a cloud of controversy over the heralded tournament. “It’ll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose,” Dutch player Wesley Harms fumed after getting blown away 10-2 by Scotland’s Gary Anderson at the Grand Slam of Darts in Wolverhampton. Harms chalked up his foul play to a “fragrant smell” — which he deduced came from the Scotsman’s bowels. But Anderson — who has admitted to passing gas during matches in the past — insisted he was innocent of this olfactory offense, The Guardian reported. “If the boy thinks I’ve farted he’s 1,010-percent wrong,” said Anderson, who’s ranked the world’s No. 4 dart player, who moved on to the quarterfinals. “I swear on my children’s lives that it was not my fault. I had a bad stomach once on stage before and admitted it. So I’m not going to lie about farting on stage.” He continued: “Usually if I fart on stage I s—t myself, I’ve told you that before,” The Express UK reported. The British press has swooned over the colonic controversy, calling it “Fartgate.”

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Boner Candidate #3: HOT AIR BALLOON LOADED WITH FIREWORKS…WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

A hot air balloon packed with pyrotechnics exploded over a crowd during a popular festival in Myanmar, sending revelers running for cover. The frightening scene unfolded Nov. 14 during the Tazaungdaing Festival of Lights, an annual celebration that marks the end of the wet season in Myanmar. According to local media reports, festival organizers invite participants to launch unmanned balloons full of fireworks to usher in a new season. One of those balloons burst into flames during Wednesday’s festival. Video shot by a spectator showed the balloon slowly ascending while fireworks shoot from its sides. In an instant, the balloon exploded, sending fireworks shooting toward the ground as the balloon came crashing down toward the crowd.

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