Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for October 23rd, 2018

Round One:

Boner Candidate #1: I DON’T GO TO THESE THINGS TO BE SCARED.

On October 15, 2011, Scott Griffin and friends went to the Haunted Trail in San Diego, a Halloween attraction run by the Haunted Hotel, Inc. Printed on tickets was a warning that the trail had ‘high-impact scares.’ Visitors walked a mile-long path along which actors dressed in ghoulish costumes and carrying prop weapons jumped out to frighten—and even chase—them. Griffin, then 44, and his friends completed the trail and walked through what appeared to be the exit. They were laughing about how much fun they’d had, when suddenly an actor with a revving chain saw came toward them. The Haunted Hotel calls this the Carrie effect, referring to the last scene in the 1976 horror movie, when the audience, believing the film is over, is surprised by one final scare. Griffin tried to back away, but the actor followed him closely. Griffin yelled, ‘Stop!’ He couldn’t tell whether the chain saw was real. ‘He was pointing [the chain saw] right at me … You could literally smell the gas,’ Griffin said in a deposition. ‘He was literally running after me … I was fearful for my safety big-time.’ While being chased, Griffin fell. He severely injured both wrists, which were in casts for four months.

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M LIVIN’ HIGH WITH MY HO MONEY

A pimp in Texas who recruited teenage girls on Facebook and posted profanity-laced videos boasting of ill-gotten profits — his “ho money” — has been sentenced to life in prison. Allen Nash, 31, was sentenced Friday after being convicted of sex trafficking of children and other crimes in April, the Department of Justice announced. Nash’s two victims told jurors during a four-day trial that he forced them to work in the sex trade in and around Dallas beginning in late 2014 after promising them a better life. “I was a vulnerable little girl in need of guidance,” the 17-year-old victim, now 22, said in a victim impact statement read Friday in court. “I was desperate for help. Allen Nash knew that. I think it’s safe to say the devil lives in him.” But instead of a more comfortable lifestyle, Nash teamed up with the owner of a massage parlor called the “Doll House,” where he demanded that they work long hours while confiscating their proceeds and using threats of violence to keep them from leaving, prosecutors said.

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Boner Candidate #3: ONE OF THE SCROLLS HAD ONE OF THOSE CO-EXIST STICKERS ON IT

When Washington’s $500 million Museum of the Bible held its grand opening in November 2017, attended by Vice President Mike Pence, there were questions even then about the authenticity of its centerpiece collection of Dead Sea Scrolls. Now the museum has been forced to admit a painful truth: Technical analysis by a team of German scholars has revealed that at least five of the museum’s 16 scroll fragments are apparent forgeries. The announcement has serious implications not only for the Bible Museum but for other evangelical Christian individuals and institutions who paid top dollar for what now seems to be a massive case of archaeological fraud. Jeffrey Kloha, chief curator for the Museum of the Bible, said in a statement that the revelation is “an opportunity to educate the public on the importance of verifying the authenticity of rare biblical artifacts, the elaborate testing process undertaken and our commitment to transparency.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: IF YOU CAN ROCK PIT HAIR, THEN ROCK PIT HAIR.

The 19-year-old actor, who identifies as non-binary and prefers to be referred to as ‘they/them’, took to the red carpet for the London premiere of their latest film, ‘The Hate U Give’. Amandla wore a black, plunging Valentino gown and proudly displayed their bushy armpits in the sleek gown. The unshaved armpits – thick braids and boyish brows – added a youthful, care-free tone to Amandla’s sophisticated outfit, and frankly, if they want to rock grown-out body hair, why not? However, not everyone is down with armpit hair, which has proved to be a polarising look for women, although not for men. While one in four 16-24 years old women are said to forgo shaving their armpits, according to The Telegraph, many others are opposed to growing it out. Meanwhile, some 68 per cent of men trim their armpit hair, according to Men’s Health, it is unknown how many actually shave it all off.

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Boner Candidate #2: I DEMAND JUSTICE. THESE MONKEYS MUST PAY.

The brother of a senior citizen stoned to death by a group of “rogue” monkeys has called for the violent animals to be charged. Dharampal Singh, 72, was out collecting pieces of dry wood when the animals began hurling bricks at him from trees in Uttar Pradesh in northern India on Thursday. The victim’s brother Krishnapal Singh told local media that 20 rocks were thrown at the 72-year-old from a considerable height by the sinister gang of simians. He said: “Thrown from quite a height, the bricks were enough to kill him.” Dharampal died in a hospital after sustaining head and chest injuries in the attack in the town of Tikri, the Times of India reports. But now his family have lodged a formal complaint to the police and called for the animals to be charged.

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Boner Candidate #3: TRUMP SAYS IT’S OKAY TO GRAB ‘EM RIGHT THERE

Authorities say Southwest Airlines passenger Bruce Alexander told them the president “says it’s OK to grab women by their private parts.” A man who allegedly groped a woman during a flight told authorities after he was arrestedthat “the president of the United States says it’s OK to grab women by their private parts,”according to a complaint by the FBI.  The passenger, Bruce Michael Alexander, was likely referencing Donald Trump’s remark in an infamous 2005 “Access Hollywood” recording that he could grab women “by the pussy.” The complaint, filed Monday, alleges that Alexander “made abusive sexual contact” with a female passenger on a Southwest Airlines flight from Texas to New Mexico “by touching the passenger’s breast, without their permission.” The female passenger has accused Alexander ― who was sitting in the row behind her ― of touching her “no less than three times,” recounting that she saw “a hand that had thick fingers, were hairy and dirty fingernails.”

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