Boner Candidate #1: GRAMPY IS PUTTING PILLS IN THE KIDS DQ BLIZZARDS
66 year old James Yokeley, chairman of the Surry Country Board of Elections, is being charged after police claimed the chairman put drugs into ice cream which he then gave to his two granddaughters. On August 8th, Yokeley called 911 saying that his two granddaughters found “hard objects” in their ice cream that they had gotten from a Dairy Queen. Personnel checked the ice cream and found found they girls had not ingested any substances. Detectives reviewed video footage and determined that Yokeley had placed pills into the kids ice cream. He has been charged with two counts of contaminating food or drink with a controlled substance, felony possession of a Schedule I substance, and felony child abuse inflicting serious injury.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A SICK IMMIGRATION POLICY.
Washington Senator Patty Murray has demanded the Trump administration to give answers after two firefighters were detained by ICE while they were responding to a wildfire. Immigration authorities were sent to a scene near the Bear Gulch fire and made the firefighters line up and provide proper identification. One of the firefighters that were not detained stated “I asked them if his [co-workers] can say goodbye to him because they’re family, and they’re just ripping them away.” Murry claims that the trumps immigration policy is “fundamentally sick” and states “Trump has wrongfully detained everyone from lawful green-card holders to American citizens – no one should assume this was necessary or appropriate.”
Boner Candidate #3: THE FURTHER BEATIFICATION OF ASHLEY BABBIT
Air force veteran Ashli Babbitt has been given a full military funeral by the Air Force after being shot by police 4 year ago when she participated in the U.S. Capital riot. During the riot, Babbitt climbed through a broken window which lead to the Speaker’s Lobby and Capital Police Lt. Michael Byrd fired a fatal shot and hit Babbitt. Byrd has been cleared of any wrongdoing by the Department of Justice and the Capitol Police, but the death of Babbitt has become a right-wing rallying cry. An Air Force Spokesperson stated “After reviewing the circumstances of SrA Babbitt’s death, the Air Force has offered Military Funeral Honors to SrA Babbitt’s family.”
