Boner Candidate #1: I WANTED TO TRAUMA BOND WITH YOU ALL
A civilian employee at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst, Malika Brittingham, falsely reported an active shooter on September 30, 2023, which led to a lockdown at the base. Brittingham, who worked for the U.S. Navy, claimed she staged the hoax in hopes of bonding with coworkers who had allegedly ostracized her. She sent a series of texts that prompted a 911 call and the activation of the base’s active-shooter protocol, but authorities later determined the report was false. Brittingham was charged with knowingly providing false information related to firearms at a federal facility, though she has not been convicted.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: THESE FOX HOSTS ARE CREEPERS
On Jesse Watters’ show, he and Julie Banderas made inappropriate comments about 19-year-old Barron Trump’s love life, speculating on the details of his recent date. The hosts discussed Barron’s reported date at Trump Tower, where a floor was closed off for security reasons, and leered over whether he “got laid” at the end of the evening. Their comments, including Banderas’ hope that “something good” came out of the date, were widely criticized as creepy and inappropriate, with online reactions condemning their behavior. Despite the backlash, Watters and Banderas continued the conversation without addressing the concerns raised.
Boner Candidate #3: TO TEST YOUR LOYALTY TO OUR DEAR LEADER, WE MUST SQUEEZE YOUR BOSOM
North Korean authorities have launched a crackdown on women who undergo illegal cosmetic surgery, particularly breast implants, which are deemed “capitalist” and contrary to socialist values. Security services, including undercover agents and neighborhood patrols, are investigating and prosecuting women who have had such procedures, with severe penalties, including labor camps, for those caught. In one recent case, a doctor who performed breast augmentation surgeries was publicly trialed alongside two women who underwent the illegal procedures, using smuggled silicone from China. The regime’s prosecutor condemned the women for adopting “bourgeois customs” and promised strict punishment, while the trial revealed that authorities are conducting physical examinations to identify women suspected of having surgery. This crackdown follows a rise in cosmetic procedures like breast augmentation and double-eyelid surgery, which are seen as symbols of capitalist influence.
