Boner Candidate #1: HEY, THAT’S MY RITUAL STUFF
Customs agents at Tampa International Airport discovered what appeared to be human remains in a traveler’s luggage during a routine inspection. The traveler had initially declared only 10 cigars, but agents found a foil-wrapped duffel bag containing part of a skull, along with prohibited plants and additional cigars. The items were seized and destroyed, as the traveler claimed they were for rituals, but the items obviously posed serious health risks.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: THE ADMINISTRATION IS HIDING HOW MUCH THEY HURT PEOPLE
The Trump administration announced it would end the federal government’s annual report on hunger in America, citing concerns that it had become “overly politicized” and “rife with inaccuracies.” This decision follows recent legislation that reduced food aid, with an estimated 3 million people losing access to SNAP benefits due to tax and spending cuts. The USDA stated the report’s data was subjective and did not reflect the administration’s claims of lower poverty rates, rising wages, and job growth. Critics argue the move is an attempt to suppress data that could highlight the negative effects of the administration’s food assistance cuts.
Boner Candidate #3: I FIGURED IT WORKS WITH THE COWS SO WHY NOT TRY IT AT HOME
A Sanpete County father has been arrested on child abuse charges for using a cattle prod to discipline his 7- and 9-year-old sons. The younger child told investigators that the father used the device on them more than 10 times over the past year, causing “extreme pain.” Both boys gave consistent accounts of the abuse and described where the cattle prod was kept in their home and their grandfather’s home. The father was taken into custody following an interview at the county’s Children’s Justice Center.
