Boners

Boner of the Day for June 19th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: Man With Machete Face Tattoo Arrested for a BLANK Attack

The Hernando County Sheriff’s Office released the arrest photo and report of a man charged in a machete attack that took place on Saturday. Though Orlando Weekly usually declines to publish mugshots of people who have been arrested, the booking photo of 25-year-old defendant Justin Arthur Allen Couch reveals that a machete is tattooed prominently on his face. Police said in the post that Couch was attending “a gathering” in the victim’s residence on Monday afternoon, when he confronted the victim as he returned home. The two men stepped outside and witnesses told police that “Couch produced a machete and approached the victim in an aggressive manner,” telling the victim to leave his own home, with his wallet and cell phone inside. “There’s nothing here for you, leave,” Couch told the victim, according to the police report. When the victim tried to get back inside anyway, he says Couch began hitting him in the arm and leg with the flat side of the machete, before swinging it at his face.

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Boner Candidate #2: Son, You’ve Got a Doggie Diaper on Your Head

Workers at an Oakland McDonald’s with a COVID-19 outbreak filed a public nuisance lawsuit Tuesday against management for an alleged failure to create a safe work environment that prevents the spread of the virus. The four workers suing the franchise at 4514 Telegraph Ave., allege they were asked to report to work even when they were sick. The plaintiffs said they were also initially given doggie diapers and coffee filters to use as face coverings. “They were provided as a stopgap but were completely inadequate, and it’s somewhat offensive that the company wouldn’t provide adequate masks,” said Michael Rubin, the attorney representing the workers. “Eventually they were given masks meant for one-time use, but they were told to use them day after day after day.” Rubin added, “One worker who had symptoms complained of being sick and said she couldn’t breathe and was told by the manager to just pull the mask down, which means this woman was infecting other people.” Rubin says 25 cases of coronavirus were traced to the restaurant and infections were found in at least 11 workers and traced to several family members and seven workers at a nearby Berkeley location. Rubin explained the managers at the Oakland restaurant and a nearby Berkeley franchise had a meeting and claims this likely led to the spread between the two locations.

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Boner Candidate #3: RIP Taco Bell

Taco Bell is facing backlash after a video showing a worker being fired for wearing a Black Lives Matter mask went viral. Denzel Skinner went live on Facebook on June 8, telling viewers that he was losing his job at a Taco Bell location on Belmont Ave. in Youngstown, Ohio, because he was wearing a Black Lives Matter mask. Skinner told WBKN First News that he had been a shift leader at the location for eight years, and said that the store’s air conditioning had broken — which meant the surgical masks provided to employees made it harder to breathe when it was warm. He said that he decided to switch to the Black Lives Matter mask because it was easier to breathe through. When a manager asked him to take it off, he told WBKN First News, he refused and walked out of the restaurant. He said that he was told if he walked out, he would lose his job. In the Facebook live video, a female voice, allegedly belonging to the manager, can be heard saying, “You can’t bring politics into the building.” “Bro, I’m not bringing politics in,” Skinner says in the video. “This is what I’m standing for. How is this considered politics?”

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: Tik Tock Baby Fart Challenge

Lockdown might be coming to an end, but the TikTok challenges certainly aren’t. TikTok is here to stay, and we’re definitely not complaining. The app is definitely evolving, and we’re seeing it being used for so many new things be it recipe videos or fitness accounts. But the classic lighthearted challenge videos aren’t going anywhere either. For this new challenge you’re going to have to get a baby involved, and it’ll have you laughing for hours. What is the Baby Fart Challenge? A new trend has gone viral on TikTok that sees people trying to make their baby fart and uploading their results to the app. The challenge, simply called the Baby Fart Challenge involves moving the baby’s legs in a specific way that is designed to make them break wind.On TikTok, the hashtag #BabyFartChallenge has over 22 million views. Like every TikTok challenge, the Baby Fart Challenge has now evolved. It’s no longer limited to just babies, and many people are trying it out on an adult instead.

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Boner Candidate #2: Are You Going to Wear Pants to the Movies??

AMC Theatres, the world’s largest exhibitor, has unveiled plans to re-open after coronavirus forced it to close its more than 600 venues in the U.S. for nearly four months. The company is expected to resume operations in 450 of those locations on July 15 and expects to be almost fully operational by the time that Disney’s “Mulan” debuts on July 24 and Warner Bros.’ “Tenet” bows on July 31. As part of that process, AMC is reducing its seating capacity in order to help people social distance, it is implementing new cleaning procedures, placing hand-sanitizing stations throughout its theaters and encouraging contact-less and cash-free concessions. “We didn’t rush to reopen,” AMC CEO and president Adam Aron said in an interview with Variety. “There were some jurisdictions in some states, such as Georgia and Texas, that allowed people to reopen theaters in mid-May. We opted to remain closed, so we could give the country time to get a better handle on coronavirus. We wanted to use this time to figure out how best to open and how to do so safely.”

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Boner Candidate #3:  I’m Not As Monkey as You Drunk I Am!

Most monkeys are no more than about 2 feet tall, but they’re known to be as much as four times stronger than humans. That’s how one drunk monkey named Kalua was able to tear through 250 people — and kill one — while on a rampage in India. This week, zookeepers at Kanpur Zoological Park charged with re-assimilating the primate — for the last three years — have deemed him too dangerous to live among his kind, and have sentenced him to solitary confinement for the rest of his life. The alcoholic animal belonged to an “occultist” in Mirzapur, Uttar Pradesh, whom local authorities believe supplied his pet with a regular diet of hard liquor and, possibly, monkey meat, according to the Daily Mail’s report. When the owner was found dead, they believe the neglected monkey — likely in the throes of withdrawal — took his aggression to the streets and began roaming the neighborhood and attacking people, particularly the faces of women and children. Kalua had eluded animal trappers in the forests of Mirzapur for some time before finally being captured, IANS reported. Kalua, who is now 6 years old, was ultimately brought to the Kanpur Zoo, where he remained hostile towards female zookeepers in particular, as well as monkeys.

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