Boner Preview Candidate #1: THIS IS NOT MY CRACK PIPE. I’M KEEPING IT FOR A FRIEND.
A woman arrested for cocaine possession told Florida jailers that the crack pipe found hidden in her vagina was not her property, but rather she was storing the drug paraphernalia for a friend. Tiffany Flores, 23, was arrested yesterday afternoon following a traffic stop in Fellsmere, a city just north of Vero Beach (where Flores resides). Flores, a passenger in the vehicle stopped, confessed to ownership of a small bag of cocaine that a cop found on the roadway “directly beside the passenger door frame,”according to an arrest affidavit.
Boner Preview Candidate #2: AND THAT WOULD KEEP YOU FROM BEING ARRESTED HOW?
Hernando Sheriff’s deputies arrested a man who reportedly broke into a Spring Hill store, then sprayed himself with fire extinguishers in an effort to elude capture. Authorities say on March 4 Anthony Dixon, 18, turned off the power to a Family Dollar store at 10620 Northcliffe Boulevard from the outside, then used a cinder block to break the store’s front glass window. Deputies were alerted to the break-in by a 911 call from someone in the area who heard the sound of breaking glass, then saw Dixon running from the store.
Boner Preview Candidate #3: AND ANOTHER UTAH ANIMAL ABUSER
A Layton man was arrested Sunday after police discovered that two bighorn sheep had been decapitated near a freeway in Oregon. Justin M. Samora, 32, was arrested for investigation of aiding in a game violation. Oregon state police say officers were called Sunday morning to investigate a suspicious circumstance on the side of I-84 near the small town of Biggs Junction. “The reporting party stated it appeared a subject was gutting a big game animal,” the agency said in a statement.
Boner Preview Candidate #4: HORSE DRAGGIN CREEP
An employee of a lavender farm in Juab County has been arrested on a charge of aggravated cruelty to an animal for allegedly torturing a horse, a class A misdemeanor. According to a charging document filed Monday in 4th District Court, Freeman A. Yoder, an employee at Young Living Lavender Farm in Mona, tied a draft horse to a truck on April 1 and drove faster and faster until the animal fell. The 38 year old Nephi man continued driving, dragging the horse on the ground by its head and neck, the court document says.
Boner Preview Candidate #5: I’M JUST A POOR MISUNDERSTOOD NAZI
He sparked outrage when he ordered a birthday cake for his son, Adolf Hitler but now Isidore Heath Campbell insists he’s just a misunderstood Nazi dad. Campbell, 42, says his clan is being “treated like garbage” — all because of his affinity for one of the most evil figures in world history. “A person makes a person, a name doesn’t,” he says in the new documentary “Meet the Hitlers,” released Tuesday on iTunes. Campbell, of New Jersey, first made headlines in 2008 for complaining that a ShopRite supermarket refused to write his then-7-year-old son’s name on a birthday cake.
Boner Preview Candidate #6: BROKEN BONES ARE PART OF THE LESSON
Parents are suing a Utah school district after they say their daughter suffered a severe leg injury during an alcohol impairment simulation exercise. The StandardExaminer reports that the suit claims 13 year old Kylie Nielsen and her classmates were told to use “drunk goggles” for a health class exercise at Centennial Junior High School. The lawsuit says the goggles were designed to significantly impair the wearer’s vision and perception abilities to simulate drunkenness.
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