Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates for April 6 2016

Boner Candidate #1: KENNY AND ARYN…HORRIBLE PEOPLE IN LOVE

Kenny and Aryn are apparently bent on sharing their love for each other with the world, but the Bureau of Land Management wishes they hadn’t advertised it on the sandstone walls of Zebra Slot Canyon. On Saturday, a hiker in the canyon, famous for its narrow, wavy colorful walls, photographed the couple’s graffiti and reported it to Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument officials and news media. “It was a nice expression of love, but it is illegal,” said monument spokesman Larry Crutchfield. “We sent rangers out to start the process of removal so there aren’t copycats.” Zebra is a popular canyon located about 5 miles down the Hole-in-the-Rock Road from Escalante. The vandals scratched the names “Kenny” and “Aryn” along with “2016” into the rock and carved a heart around them. The damage is a tiny piece of a pressing and costly problem for public-land managers who oversee Utah’s scenic geologic wonders.

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Boner Candidate #2: THAT’S A CUTE DOG. LOOKS JUST LIKE THE ONE IN MY CAR. HEY, WHERE’S THE DOG THAT WAS IN MY CAR?

A motorist, allegedly driving three times the legal limit, temporarily lost her dog when it fell out the car window as she attempted a U-turn on an Orem City road. The incident occurred Saturday at about 11 a.m. A woman made a U-turn at 800 East and 800 North when she lost her dog, Orem police say. Witnesses in the area reported to police the woman’s erratic driving. “The car was weaving unable to maintain a lane and then when they saw the U-turn that’s when we got a lot of calls,” said Lt. Craig Martinez of Orem Police Department. As the driver made the turn, her dog flew out the window, police say. “One caller said the driver did a U-turn and the dog that was in the passenger side seat had fallen out of the window and the driver just kept going,” Martinez said. Witnesses got the dog to safety and were able to get the drunk driver to stop. “One of the witnesses picked up the dog walked up to the window and the driver made the statement, ‘that’s a cute dog,’ and she didn’t realize one: it was her dog or two: that it had fallen out of the car,” Martinez said.

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Boner Candidate #3: WE’RE JUST HAVIN’ SOME FUN.

Since December, a Layton man and his family have been harassed and terrorized by someone making false police reports to Layton police officers. The man asked us not to reveal his name out of fear of reprisal, but says the fake calls have been frightening to him, his wife and his two young sons. “It’s pretty nerve-racking,” says the man. “It was pretty scary.” In December the prankster called police and reported there were bombs in the man’s house, forcing the evacuations of some of the homes in the neighborhood. In February, police suspect the same person called to report that a family had been killed in the home, and the man had a gun and would involve police in a firefight when they arrived to investigate. The man who owns the home says it was three in the morning and he was shocked when he woke to a SWAT team outside his home. “In my driveway there were police men with firearms drawn,” says the man. He says it happened again, when the prankster made a similar call to police a few weeks later. Police responded again, but with a smaller force. Police say it appears the person making the false claims may have been targeting a 20-year-old male who used to live in the house. Police say this is called “swatting,” a phenomenon found in the online world.

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