5 Things You Can Eat Instead of Tide Pods

Eating poison is now the new craze!

According to poison control centers, there has been a large spike in the calls from this amazingly stupid new challenge. Already over 40 cases related to The Tide Pod Challenge this year. Some might call it natural selection since these pods are indeed poison. According to ABC News, “to put the pods into their mouths, sometimes even chew them, and then post videos of what happens. Some of these individuals experience foaming at the mouth and severe coughing spells after consuming a pod.” What could happen by putting laundry pods in your mouth? According to the same ABC News report, “exposure to this compound can cause eye and nose irritation, kidney problems and possible long-term lung damage.” And yes, you could even die from it.

“can cause eye and nose irritation, kidney problems and possible long-term lung damage”

As a public service announcement we’ve come up with 5 other challenges that won’t actually kill you, but might give you with the same self-shaming and regret. We aren’t endorsing do anything of these actually, but still, we know you were actually thinking of eating a Tide Pod, so how could these be worse. Still, don’t actually do these things. Well, maybe the first one, the fourth one, and the fifth one!

1. The Lucky 13 Challenge

You know the place. It’s often ranked as the best burger in Salt Lake and probably Utah. Your friends get that look of disappointment when they hear you haven’t been there. It’s quite possible that food tastes better with no kids around as Lucky 13 is a 21-and-over establishment. Essentially, Lucky 13 will pay you $200 if you can “Finish The Big Benny and The Lucky 13 Burger By Yourself in One Hour and They Are On Us and We Will Pay You Cash!” Oh, the Big Benny is A foot tall burger With house-smoked bacon, ham, cheddar, swiss, caramelized onions, Lucky 13 sauce and 28oz of fresh ground chuck, so buckle up that esophagus buttercup! You’re going to have to finish those fries, too.

Now that’s a couple of burgers. #Lucky13Challenge

A post shared by Kevin Claiborne (@kvoclai) on

2. The Milk Gallon Challenge

Since most of us don’t have a stomach the size of a cow, this is a real whiz-banger! It’s super simple, too. You just have to drink 1 gallon of milk in under 60 minutes. That’s it. You won’t though. What you will do is turn into a biological replica of the Trevi Fountain. Milk, it does a body good one glass at a time. The good news is that at some point all of us are lactose intolerant!

All in for fantasy football. #MilkChallenge #sorryforthethrowup

A post shared by Kyler Perez (@kylerperez18) on

3. The Cinnamon Challange

This one is even easier than the Milk Gallon Challange and much quicker if you are pressed for time. Ya know, if you’re running late for a mental health evaluation. Just eat one spoonful of cinnamon in under 60 seconds with no liquids. Just plop that spoon of orange powder right in your f Everyone has one minute, right? However, this one is for the real thrillseekers because according to Wikipedia, “the cinnamon coats and dries the mouth and throat, resulting in coughing, gagging, vomiting and inhaling of cinnamon, leading to throat irritation, breathing difficulties, and risk of pneumonia or a collapsed lung.” Good times. Okay, maybe just stick to the Cinnamon Bear Challange where you eat two cinnamon bears within 5 minutes, preferably while watching a movie. There’s much less hospital time involved.

4. The 11 Challenge at Wing Coop

Heat is a simple one, but even this one has its health concerns. Wing Coop‘s Eleven Sauce is hot. Some would say it’s torture. As describes on their menu, “Mouth numbing, panic-inducing, eye-watering mind blazing, inferno.” I’ve had it. All those adjective and true. Even running over to Dan’s next door for milk had little effect of the misery from just a drop of this stuff on my tongue. According to one employee, this stuff can actually melt the container’s pump and they don’t seal the lid because it could explode. Sure, douse 11 wings in that and put it in your body. It will cause you misery but probably won’t kill you. Probably.

5. The Rock 13 Pancake Challenge

Are you the sickest swoll bro on the block in an IHOP? The step up to the rock and knock out 12 pancakes. Sure, a lot of people look down on carbs and sugary syrup, but a lot of people are also eating Tide Pods. Besides, it’s The Rock. Dwayne would never steer you wrong. Also, did I mention that downtown SLC is finally getting an IHOP? Hell yeah, it is.

Honestly, who knows why we do the things that we do on the interwebs? I suppose we have to do something, but you don’t have to eat Tide Pods. You can eat actual food and still feel shame and be funny and get all the attention you aspire to.


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