You Will Salute Trumpy Bear

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,…”

I had finished watching “Ink Master Angels” and “The Jim Jefferies Show” on a Tuesday evening and continued on to a “Cops” marathon. While that played in the background (I think it was the best of cops-pulling-people-over-and-finding-meth-in-their-center-console night on Spike TV – as it so often is) and grabbed my phone for a Bejeweled marathon to reach my goal of breaking 1,000,000 points when something happened. Something I was not prepared for.


Anyway, between people claiming they were being honest with law enforcement in some random southern city blaring from my TV speakers, something caught my ear. Something that started poetically then slowly formed into something akin to the sounds of screaming children, the horror of drought, the decay of sanity blared over my TV, filling the room.

I am not sure if it’s the oversized red tie, the blonde comb-over, or the odd worship for a toy bear by grown people, but I lost all concept of time and space. I attempted to reason with myself, thinking, “SNL is running some bizarre skit outside of a Saturday night. It has to be a joke.” The imagery of a man riding his hog with Trumpy Bear sharing the seat as this ZZ Top stand-in proclaimed his adoration for Trumpy Bear sent me into another dimension. Perhaps, it was it the businessman proclaiming his love for good business and Trumpy Bear that left my stomach dropping through the floor? The veteran with Trumpy bear on his lap…well, he’s a veteran. He can like whatever the hell he wants. No issue there. No, actually it was the hidden pocket on Trumpy Bear’s back with the pullout American Flag blanket that leads me to believe either Jim Jefferies or Patton Oswalt must be behind the creation of Trumpy Bear. Perhaps it’s the Russians. We may never know!

For me, for my money, I’ll take this bear with his sick bo-staff skills.


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