Boner Candidate #1: WAY TO GO ORRIN. END YOUR CAREER BY STANDING UP FOR WHAT’S RIGHT.
Sen. Orrin Hatch on Monday dismissed new court papers directly implicating President Donald Trump in efforts to buy women’s silence, saying the matter is irrelevant because the economy is booming and the payments were made before Trump was elected to the White House. Hatch, R-Utah, who is retiring at the end of his current term, told CNN’s Manu Raju that the years before Trump became president are “another world.” “Since he’s become president this economy has charged ahead,” Hatch said, adding, “And I think we ought to judge him on that basis other than trying to drum up things from the past that may or may not be true.” The Republican also told Raju that “you can make anything a crime under the current laws” and that he believes Trump is doing a good job. Earlier in his congressional career, during Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial in 1999, Hatch voted to convict the president, saying in a statement at the time that “committing crimes of moral turpitude such as perjury and obstruction of justice go to the heart of qualification for public office.”
Boner Candidate #2: I GET ALL MY WELLNESS TECHNIQUES FROM THE INTERNET
A DOCTOR has revealed a horrifying case in which a woman was left brain-dead after an internet hoax went horribly wrong. The incident, outlined on medical YouTube channel Chubbyemu, involves a 39-year-old woman, identified as CG, who presented to emergency services with a rapidly deteriorating mental status. Dr Bernard discussed the case on the Chubbyemu channel on YouTube Earlier that day the woman had been performing a “soy sauce colon cleanse” — a dangerous internet fad which involves people drinking a litre of soy sauce in two hours. The woman was already unwell – she had lost 11kg in the past three weeks and had started a white bread and canned fish-only diet six months ago. She had also recently been released from a psychiatric hospital for what was believed to be paranoid schizophrenia. The woman had the paranoid belief the government had poisoned her and had read online that the soy sauce colon cleanse would rid her body of toxins.
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