!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #1: AND THEN HE SAID TO HER…’HAND UP’
Katie, a Florida influencer, went viral after a Palm Beach County police officer pulled her over for holding a cellphone in her right hand while driving. Katie does not have a right hand. Katie shared the officers bodycam footage from the traffic stop where the deputy claims he saw her holding a device in her right hand. Katie promptly raised her right arm, which ends shortly after the elbow. Despite this clear evidence that Katie could not have been holding a phone, especially considering she was using her left hand to drive, the officer was not satisfied and continued on with his absurd story. During the awkward exchange, the officer asked Katie to raise her “hand to God” while swearing she told the truth. Katie raised her right arm, and he asked her to use her left hand instead. The officer then gave Katie a $116 distracted driving citation, that was later dismissed.
Boner Candidate #2: SLOW WALKING LEADS TO CEL PHONE ASSAULT
An Idaho man, Ronny Escalante-Nino, was arrested after attacking a woman in a parking lot for walking slowly. The pair were leaving a building together, along with the woman’s daughter, when the man became angry because the victim was too slow when following him to the car. The two began to argue, and the woman attempted to call someone for help before Escalante-Nino “ripped the phone out of her hand and hit her with it in the wrist.” The man continued to hit her, eventually escalating to punching her in the face. The victims injuries were still visible when she visited the local Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Center and told law enforcement about the abuse she experienced. The woman has since reported that Escalante-Nino is “often physically abusive toward her,” emphasizing the presence of her young daughter during these altercations. Escalante-Nino was arrested. He is being detained in the Bonneville County Jail on a $25,000 bond.
Boner Candidate #3: THE STAIN ON THE COUCH CUSHION WAS A DEAD GIVE-A-WAY.
Atlanta Federal Judge, Eleanor Ross, has admitted to having a two year long sexual affair with a police officer in her courthouse. Law clerks reported hearing “moaning” and “kissing sounds” during lunchtime that created an uncomfortable work environment. Ross had initially denied the allegations, calling them “baseless” and saying, “I have never engaged in sexual intercourse in my office.” Ross had decided to come clean after hearing that investigators planned to look at security footage and test a stained couch cushion for semen. She said her denial was “absolute dishonesty” and that she feared its affects on her “already-troubled marriage.” A Special Committee issued a private reprimand and she remains on the bench handling federal cases in Atlanta.
