Boners

Boner Fight for December 21st, 2020

Boner Candidate #1: WELL, YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVE.

Despite being behind bars “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli just can’t stop making headlines. Apparently one New York journalist did get a bit lost in Martin’s sauce, as a new Elle feature reveals how former Bloomberg News reporter Christie Smythe fell in love with the notorious grifter while covering his various legal battles and controversies. Smythe would eventually leave her husband and career for a relationship with the 37-year-old, who is currently serving a seven-year sentence. I fell down the rabbit hole,” Smythe told Elle of her life-changing relationship. “I’m happy here. I feel like I have purpose.” Smythe, who has sold the movie rights to a book about Shkreli, is still planning to wait for her boo behind bars, even though (mild spoiler alert) he now isn’t speaking to her because of the Elle story. “Mr. Shkreli wishes Ms. Smythe the best of luck in her future endeavors,” a statement from Shkreli said to the magazine.

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Boner Candidate #2: I THINK THE ACLU OF UTAH WILL NEED TO HIRE A NEW LAWYER.

SALT LAKE CITY — A brand new ACLU of Utah Staff Attorney was booked into jail early Saturday morning for allegedly firing a gun at a car with his children inside. Aaron Kinikini was arrested on one count of aggravated assault, three counts of domestic violence in the presence of a child, one count of criminal mischief, one count of unlawful detention and one count of discharge of firearms. On Thursday, the ACLU of Utah announced the recent hiring of Kinikini as the affiliate’s Staff Attorney. Previously, Kinikini served as the Legal Director at the Utah Disability Law Center. According to arrest documents, the mother of at least three of Kinikini’s children came to pick them up. When the mother and the children were in the vehicle, Kinikini stood behind the vehicle, preventing them from leaving. Kinikini says the vehicle drove at him at a high rate of speed when he used a handgun to fire at the car, according to a probably cause statement. The shots that were fired hit the driver side front and rear tires.

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