Boner of the Day

Boner Fight for June 14th, 2019

Boner Candidate #1: WAY TO TELL THE TRUTH AND RUIN THINGS FOR EVERYBODY

A California valedictorian used her commencement speech to call out the indifference of authority figures that is all too often a significant part of why high school sucked so much for so many of us. In her speech to San Ysidro High School, Nataly Buhr thanked all the involved, compassionate teachers with a genuine investment in her success along with the people who could not have cared less until it was time to take credit for her achievements: “To my counselor, thanks for teaching me to fend for myself. You were always unavailable to my parents and I, despite appointments,” Buhr said. “Only in these past few weeks, with the awards ceremonies and graduation coming up, did you begin making your appearance. And might I note, you expressed to me the joy in knowing that one of your students was valedictorian when you had absolutely no role in my achievements.” She went on to thank office staff who neglected to tell her about scholarships and “the teacher who was regularly intoxicated during class this year,” which caused her classmates to cheer.

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Boner Candidate #2: DANGEROUS CELEBRITIES

On June 11, Jessica Biel became the latest celebrity face of the anti-vaccine movement when she surfaced in California’s capitol to lobby against a state bill that would limit medical exemptions for immunizations without approval from a public health officer. Accompanying her was controversial activist Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the founder of Children’s Health Defense, which has claimed that vaccines are dangerous and unnecessary. Multiple members of the State Assembly and Senate welcomed her to Sacramento, posting grip-and-grin pictures to their social media accounts. Kennedy himself thanked her for being “courageous” on “a busy and productive day.” Senate Bill 276, now making its way through the legislature, is meant to crack down on doctors who provide what sponsoring senator Richard Pan describes as “fake” medical exemptions. Neither Biel nor Kennedy responded to THR’s requests for comment by press time. Rosanna Arquette was among those to praise Biel for her involvement: “Thank you Jessica,” she wrote on Kennedy’s Instagram, adding thumbs-up and praying-hands emojis. Kimberly Van Der Beek, who parents five children with actor husband James, also lauded Biel “for enlightening people.” Others to offer kudos included actress and mother of two Rachael Harris (Suits, Luther).

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