Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for June 14th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THAT’S MY BOYS’ TAG

An Eagle Mountain mother called police after seeing what she believed was her son’s graffiti on a Utah County Sheriff’s Office Facebook post Wednesday. The UCSO said deputies were assigned to three separate graffiti reports in the Silver Lake area of Eagle Mountain and staff posted the images on Facebook. A woman saw the images and believed her son was involved with the incidents, so she called police. Deputies said the son admitted to spray-painting different areas in the city along with another juvenile. Graffiti was reported on a fence, power box, church meetinghouse and city park bathroom; police do not believe the juveniles vandalized the park bathroom and are continuing to investigate leads in that incident.

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Boner Candidate #2: WAY TO TELL THE TRUTH AND RUIN THINGS FOR EVERYBODY

A California valedictorian used her commencement speech to call out the indifference of authority figures that is all too often a significant part of why high school sucked so much for so many of us. In her speech to San Ysidro High School, Nataly Buhr thanked all the involved, compassionate teachers with a genuine investment in her success along with the people who could not have cared less until it was time to take credit for her achievements: “To my counselor, thanks for teaching me to fend for myself. You were always unavailable to my parents and I, despite appointments,” Buhr said. “Only in these past few weeks, with the awards ceremonies and graduation coming up, did you begin making your appearance. And might I note, you expressed to me the joy in knowing that one of your students was valedictorian when you had absolutely no role in my achievements.” She went on to thank office staff who neglected to tell her about scholarships and “the teacher who was regularly intoxicated during class this year,” which caused her classmates to cheer.

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Boner Candidate #3: I THOUGHT IT WAS A DOG’

A Malaysian singer was arrested by local Department of Wildlife and National Parks officials after taking a sun bear, which she claims she thought was a dog, home with her. Zarith Sofia Yasin, a former contestant on the competition show Rockanova, told The Star Online that she came upon the bear cub “in a weakened state” and took it home to her apartment, where she said she wanted to help it regain its strength before taking it to a local zoo. “I only wanted to save the bear, I had no intention of exploiting it,” Yasin, 27, told the outlet’s Malay language site. “I was worried about sending Bruno to the zoo (while it was ill) because the animals there look skinny.” “If Bruno could talk, it would surely say the food I gave him was delicious – it ate chocolates!” she added. She also told the outlet that she did not cage the bear, but let it roam around in her apartment, saying to cage it “would have been even more cruel.” In a since-deleted video on Facebook, the bear can be heard crying from within the apartment complex as it peers out a window, seemingly trying to escape, according to Mashable.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: DANGEROUS CELEBRITIES

On June 11, Jessica Biel became the latest celebrity face of the anti-vaccine movement when she surfaced in California’s capitol to lobby against a state bill that would limit medical exemptions for immunizations without approval from a public health officer. Accompanying her was controversial activist Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the founder of Children’s Health Defense, which has claimed that vaccines are dangerous and unnecessary. Multiple members of the State Assembly and Senate welcomed her to Sacramento, posting grip-and-grin pictures to their social media accounts. Kennedy himself thanked her for being “courageous” on “a busy and productive day.” Senate Bill 276, now making its way through the legislature, is meant to crack down on doctors who provide what sponsoring senator Richard Pan describes as “fake” medical exemptions. Neither Biel nor Kennedy responded to THR’s requests for comment by press time. Rosanna Arquette was among those to praise Biel for her involvement: “Thank you Jessica,” she wrote on Kennedy’s Instagram, adding thumbs-up and praying-hands emojis. Kimberly Van Der Beek, who parents five children with actor husband James, also lauded Biel “for enlightening people.” Others to offer kudos included actress and mother of two Rachael Harris (Suits, Luther).

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Boner Candidate #2: WHERE WAS THE FLIGHT CREW ALL THIS TIME?

A passenger accused of masturbating on a flight to San Antonio earlier this year was found guilty in a trial. Enrique Gonzalez, 48, was accused of masturbating Feb. 3 on a United Airlines Flight from the Los Angeles International Airport to San Antonio International Airport according to an arrest affidavit. A witness across the aisle said Gonzalez’ penis was fully exposed and he was rubbing it up and down. The witness told authorities Gonzalez started masturbating while the cabin lights were dimmed. Gonzalez allegedly masturbated on the flight for about 30 minutes while making eye contact with the witness according to the affidavit. His wife admitted that she “played with it” during the flight. Gonzalez will be sentenced Friday for charges including lewd, indecent or obscene conduct in the special aircraft jurisdiction of the United States.

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Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS A CONVENIENT ARRANGEMENT

Police officers arrested a man who they say was secretly living in a Mt. Juliet family’s attic, according to WTVF. But he didn’t stop there, he was arrested a second time when he returned more than a week later. A mother returned home last weekend and found a stranger standing at the top of the stairs in the home. She yelled for him to get out of the house and called police, but that’s when he ran into her daughter’s bedroom. He hid in an attic space in the daughter’s bedroom, refusing to come out. Officers had to crawl in after him to pull him out of the confined space. He was later identified as Matthew C. Castro, a man who’d been involved with the woman’s minor daughter. Police say he had been living in the attic space and coming down at night when she was in her room and had locked her bedroom door. He was charged with aggravated criminal trespassing and was warned not to have contact with the daughter.

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