Boners

Boner Fight for September 10, 2020

BONER FIGHT

Boner Candidate #1: MANY LOVE THEM AS IF THEY WERE MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY

An enterprising Japanese artist is catering to heartsick kinksters by holding memorial services for sex dolls that have outlived their use. Many “love them [sex dolls] as if they were human members of their family,” according to Leiya Arata, the 30-something founder of the Love Doll Funeral services in Osaka. For roughly $800, customers can have their synthetic sweethearts placed in caskets, swaddled in burial attire and adorned with garlands, reports the Daily Mail. Presiding over the mannequin memorials is transgender porn actress-turned-Buddhist monk, Lay Kato, who Arata describes as the foremost authority on “sex, dolls and their owners.” No one “offers an appropriate ceremony better than her,” according to Arata. In fact, the funeral — complete with candles, undertakers and even “mourning” sex dolls — is so authentic that passers-by have called the police after mistaking the dolls for cadavers. Naturally, some might balk at the idea of interring inanimate objects. However, the unconventional visionary started Love Doll Funeral because she felt “there was a real need.” “Many owners do not want them to be shredded as garbage,” said Arata, adding that many “action figure” trustees fear being shamed for discarding dolls in the dumpster where they could be discovered. Along with throwing burials for dummies, the porn fantasy purveyor also dresses people as corpses for photo shoots while men can cosplay as female corpses for pretend funerals.

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Boner Candidate #2: YEAH. WE ALL DO STUPID THINGS WHEN WE’RE YOUNG…LIKE KILLING PEOPLE.

In an interview promoting his new book, Donald Trump Jr was asked why the administration had not condemned 17-year-old Kyle Rittenhouse murdering two people during the protests in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Claiming the White House is waiting for due process and not jumping to conclusions about the incident, Mr Trump then went on to say “We all do stupid things at 17.” In a discussion on Fox’s Extraregarding Black Lives Matter and president Donald Trump’s visit to Wisconsin following the shooting of Jacob Blake, correspondent Rachel Lindsay asked: “Why hasn’t the Trump administration or president Trump condemned what happened in Kenosha with Kyle Rittenhouse… coming across state lines and… murdering two people and injuring another [at a protest]?” Mr Trump said, “We’re waiting for due process. We’re not jumping to a conclusion… If I put myself in Kyle Rittenhouse[‘s shoes], maybe I shouldn’t have been there. He’s a young kid. I don’t want young kids running around the streets with AR-15s… Maybe I wouldn’t have put myself in that situation — who knows? We all do stupid things at 17.”

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