Boner of the Day

Boner Fight for September 16th, 2019

Boner Candidate #1: YOU’LL NEED A LOT MORE THAN 15 GALLONS

Russian Orthodox priests have blessed a city they say is suffering from diseases of ‘drunkenness and fornication’ by throwing holy water out of a plane. The city of Tver, north west of Moscow, received a blessing from above on Wednesday from the patriarch of the city’s Orthodox church, the Metropolitan Sawa of Tver. Father Alexander Goryachev and two other clergymen were also present for the blessing. The amount of holy water used for the mass totalled 15 gallons. They performed the ritual to honour All Russian Sobriety Day. They also brought an icon of John the Baptist, the patron saint of alcoholics, and the ‘inexhaustible chalice,’ which is supposed to heal those suffering from addiction problems. ‘Any disease is from a virus, and a virus is a demon. Therefore, any disease is primarily a spiritual disease,’ Goryachev told the local news site Tvernews.com. It wasn’t until the plane reached 200 to 300 metres that the priests began their mass.

Boner Candidate #2: WELL I UNDERSTAND YOU DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE FAIR WITH MOM AND DAD BUT THIS ISN’T THE WAY TO AVOID IT.

A California man was arrested for allegedly making false threats against the Los Angeles County Fair just to avoid going there with his parents. Authorities said that the Los Angeles County Fair notified them that it had received an email Friday at about 3pm stating that there would be a mass shooting at the site on Sunday, according to KTLA.  The Pomona Police Department said they and the FBI immediately launched an investigation into the email, tracking it to Erik Villasenor, of Sylmar, California. Police and a tactical team arrived at his home and arrested him Friday night. Read More

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