ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I’VE LOST SOME PROPERTY
After returning home from a medical facility, a Long Island man called because he thought he had left behind a bag of cocaine.
Boner Candidate #2: THAT MEANS WE’LL SEE MORE OF HIS UGLY MUG
Unlike his forefathers, Ted Cruz is determined to pioneer being the worst possible senator. This time, he has decided to stop wearing masks at the capitol.
Boner Candidate #3: THE SALINE IS ONLY .05% EFFECTIVE
A North Carolina Walgreens accidently gave people injections of saline as opposed to the actual vaccines.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: BURGESS WOULD RATHER WE FOCUS ON THE ISSUES.
Burgess Owens recently received a $2,000 donation from Matt Gaezt, a senator under investigation for sex trafficking. While at a conference about human trafficking, Burgess Owens refused to comment on the donation.
Boner Candidate #2: SOMEONE HAS TO EXPLAIN THIS
Dr. Ben Carson appeared on CNBC to speak about the Georgia’s new voter restrictions. He starts off by saying that no one has explained how these new voter laws are restrictive. This comment happened right after Andrew Sorkin spent a segment to explain the issues.
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S THE FRANK-A-THON WITH A CALL FROM THE REAL PRESIDENT
MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell celebrated the launch of his new, ‘free speech’ platform with a 48-hour ‘Frank-a-Thon.’ Some of the highlights include: Being prank called by someone pretending to be Donald Trump, He accused Jimmy Kimmel of being a meth addict, and plenty of conspiracy theories about the deep state.
