Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for April 23rd, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: IT MAKES YOUR SOUL WHITER THAN WHITE, BRIGHTER THAN BRIGHT

A group calling itself Genesis II Church of Health and Healing plans to convene at a hotel resort in Washington state on Saturday to promote a “miracle cure” that claims to cure 95% of all diseases in the world by making adults and children, including infants, drink industrial bleach. The group is inviting members of the public through Facebook to attend what they call their “effective alternative healing” at the Icicle Village Resort in Leavenworth on Saturday morning. The organizer of the event, Tom Merry, has publicized the event on his personal Facebook page by telling people that learning how to consume the bleach “could save your life, or the life of a loved one sent home to die”.

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Candidate #2: YOU’RE LATE

The owner of a dog grooming business was arrested after police say she pulled a gun on a couple who were late picking up their pet. Lisa Vickie Hull, 56, was arrested Friday for investigation of aggravated assault, threatening to use a gun in a fight, drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a weapon by a restricted person. A man and woman went to Absolute Best Grooming, 656 E. 11400 South, to pick up their dog. Hull, the owner of the business, “was upset due to him picking up his dog after the business’ closing time,” a Salt Lake County Jail report states. “Lisa yelled at him to leave the business and pulled out a handgun from a holster, which Lisa retrieved from the back area of the business, and pointed it at him,” the dog owner told police, according to the report.

Candidate #3: SPENDING ANY TIME AT ALL WITH NICK CAGE SHOULD BE COMPENSATED

Nicolas Cage’s estranged wife doesn’t give a damn they were only married for half a week before he filed for an annulment — she says it still counts … and she wants his money. Erika Koike filed legal docs — obtained by TMZ — responding to the actor filing for an annulment last month just 4 days after they were wed in Las Vegas. As we told you … Cage claims he “reacted on impulse and without the ability to recognize or understand the full impact of his actions,” and also says the marriage was based on fraud. Koike calls BS, claiming Nic’s impulsive actions don’t qualify for an annulment. As for the alleged fraud, she says Cage asked her to start again “in the right way” just 12 days after filing for an annulment … proving their relationship’s legit. Here’s the thing … Erika agrees the 2 aren’t fit for marriage and should get a divorce, but she wants spousal support. According to the docs … she says she lost career opportunities during her long relationship with Cage and her reputation’s been damaged by his allegations. She’s also asking him to pay for her legal fees.

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Round 2

Candidate #1: SIR DO YOU KNOW WHY I STOPPED YOU?

Matthew Joseph Erris, from Pasco County, Florida, clearly wanted to give the impression that he was a police officer. On the top of his Chevy Trailblazer was a police light bar and there were even red and blue lights on the vehicle’s grill. On Tuesday night, he got so into character that he flashed his fake police lights at a car in front, signally for them to pull over. But he chose the wrong person to pull over, WFLA reported. A Florida  police officer is pictured in Aventura in this illustrative image. A man from Pasco County was arrested for impersonating a police officer. Joe Raedle/Getty Images The occupant of the car in front was a real-life police detective, working undercover. He promptly called 911 and alerted other officers, who caught up with Erris a short time later.

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Candidate #2: MAYBE HE NEEDS TO LOOK GOOD FOR A COUGAR AT THE WHATABURGER

Instagram watchers are disgusted by a video featuring a man buzzing his head while seated in the business class section of what is being reported as a United Airlines flight. A pair of flight attendants seen walking past the man in the clip — posted to the Insta account @PassengerShaming — don’t seem to register what web watchdogs deem to be “nasty and unhygienic” behavior. “In some type of fairness, this might be the shaver with the vacuum on it,” bald surfer/model Kelly Slater comments on the viral post. “But this idiot should have the decency to do it in the bathroom even in that case.” “Have to look good in case you see some cougar in the Whataburger line on the way to baggage carousel no.2,” quips Insta-viewer Kenny Deroian. Others were less amused. “You godda be kidding me,” comments Alicen Doll, “People are clueless & disgusting.” The video has garnered nearly 200,000 views since posting three days ago.

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Candidate #3: SHE NEVER EATS BREAKFAST ANYWAY.

A mother has been charged with child neglect after admitting to investigators to leaving her baby at home alone to have breakfast with a friend, WSMV reports.
According to the affidavit, officers went to a home early Sunday morning after a man called police to report that his ex-girlfriend should have been at the home watching their 11-month-old child and he couldn’t get in touch with her. When officers arrived around 4:22 a.m., they tried knocking on the door and calling her phone number but did not get an answer. The woman, later identified as 25-year-old Nieghn Carey later called her ex-boyfriend and told him that she was on her way back home. She got back to the house around 5 a.m. and told officers that she did leave the baby alone because the baby was asleep and she was going to go get breakfast with a friend. Medics arrived to check on the baby and DCS was notified. Carey was arrested on felony child neglect charges.

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