ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: THEY GO ON VACATIONS AND COME BACK FEMALE.
Bob Good, a self-described “biblical conservative” who is the Republican nominee for a House seat in his conservative Central Virginia district, is hoping to rally clergy members with meetings this week attacking a new state law prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, which he characterizes as an assault on religious liberty. And in at least one of the invitations directed at clergy members and Republican county leaders, which was obtained by The Times, the organizers of the event make clear that they intend to leverage anti-L.G.B.T.Q. sentiment in the district to generate enthusiasm for Mr. Good. “What happens when a male member of your congregation goes on vacation and returns four weeks later as a female?” the invitation said, adding, “What do your church bylaws state regarding a man dressed as a woman who attends a church function and expects to use the women’s restroom.” The offensive language about transgender people came in an invitation signed by Travis Witt, a former Virginia Tea Party official who identified himself as the Faith Coalition leader for Mr. Good’s campaign. The subject heading of the invitation was “Re: when a man becomes a woman.” Mr. Good’s campaign has scheduled a series of six “Virginia Liberty Summits for Pastors” in three cities to discuss the new law.
Boner Candidate #2: BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE ZOOM MEETINGS
A SAUCY couple were left red-faced after they were spotted having sex during a Zoom meeting. The shamed staff member was caught in the act after he forgot to turn his camera off after the virtual city council meeting in Rio de Janeiro. The committee meeting, about the Rights of Children and Adolescents, was organised by the city council of the city of Rio de Janeiro, in Brazil’s southeastern state of the same name. But other at the meeting were not prepared for what they saw on their screens. The staff member was seen sitting on a bed, naked, with a woman beside him. The couple began to get frisky, completely unaware that colleagues were watching in horror. The meeting was chaired by a member of the Socialism and Liberty Party, Leonel Brizola, who continued the discussion despite the extraordinary scenes being relayed through the video feed. According to local newspaper Metropoles, the committee meeting was to discuss how to guarantee food for students in the municipal system during the pandemic. The meeting kicked off at 10am, but one of the team had a different kind of business on his mind. The man, who was allegedly not a councillor, began to have sex in full view of the camera. Unbelievably, the councillors involved noticed the scenes but decided to ignore it and continue to discuss the matter at hand.
Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS HATE SPEECH AND A REALLY GOOD TIP
OGDEN, Utah — A waiter at an Ogden restaurant is sharing his story after finding a bigoted message written on a cash tip that was left for him. “Keeping it in my wallet,” Ashton Bindrup said as he pulled out a wrinkled $5 bill. “I haven’t wanted to turn it into the bank yet, I don’t know how to explain that one.” The cash has been tucked away in the back of his bifold since his shift at an Ogden restaurant on Saturday. “I picked it up and was immediately like, ‘Oh, this is written on my tip,’” Bindrup continued. “It’s shocking,” he said. “It’s not okay.” The bill was marked in pen with the words, “Get out of America, F**!” The message contained a three-letter gay slur, which he said was left behind by three adults — all of whom were wearing “Trump 2020” hats. Looking back on his interactions with the table, Bindrup believes the group deliberately wrote it on his tip. “They’d asked me for a pen during the meal,” he explained. “They paid with card, but it was all an electric system so there was no receipt… that’s why I thought it was odd when they asked for the pen.” “I think if anyone got it, they would think it was hate speech,” Bindrup continued. Shocked by the encounter, Bindrup posted pictures of the bill to social media writing, “Today I experienced targeted hate.” The post quickly gained traction online. In the state of Utah, there are penalties for hate crimes. However, written speech is only considered a punishable offense if there is a threat of violence.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: IF YOU HADN’T A BEEN STOPPED I WOULDN’T HAVE HIT YA
NAPLES, Fla. — A 51-year-old Naples man was arrested for DUI after crashing into a Lee County Sheriff’s Office patrol car on Palm Beach Boulevard Saturday night. According to the Florida Highway Patrol, the driver was approaching a red traffic signal behind the patrol car but failed to stop and, as a result, struck the patrol car. Troopers say the 51-year-old driver was transported to the hospital. Authorities say the deputy was also transported to the hospital for precautionary measures. The driver was arrested for DUI and charged with Careless Driving, No Seatbelt, DUI, DUI Property Damage, and DUI personal injury.
Boner Candidate #2: GET MY DINNER WOMAN OR I THROW YOU IN THE RIVER
PROVO CANYON — A Pleasant Grove man was charged Monday with throwing his wife into the Provo River and threatening bystanders who tried to help her. Douglas Harold Green, 61, is charged in 4th District Court with aggravated kidnapping in the course of committing unlawful detention, a third-degree felony; and assault, a class B misdemeanor. On Sunday, Green and his wife were at Provo River Resort when employees told police that Green had thrown his wife into the Provo River, according to a police affidavit. Green said he threw her into the river “after she refused to do what he asked. The victim claimed she and Douglas were arguing over dinner arrangements. Douglas reportedly became angry and threatened to drown her in the river,” the affidavit states. He dragged his wife to the riverbank “and forced her in,” according to the affidavit. Others who saw what was happening attempted to help the woman, “but Douglas yelled at them to stay away.” When Wasatch County sheriff’s deputies were called to investigate, they found the woman had bruises on both arms where she was grabbed, the report says. Green was arrested and booked into the Wasatch County Jail. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 or the Utah LINKLine at 1-800-897-5465 for confidential assistance.
Boner Candidate #3: NOT FELINE FINE AFTER THE KITTEN K.O.
Harbin, Heilongjiang, China – Guess they don’t always land on their feet. A Chinese dog owner likely prefers pooches even more now, after he was knocked out cold by a falling cat, as seen in a viral video from Aug. 14. In the 45-second CCTV footage, which currently has more than 120,000 views on YouTube, a man named Gao can be seen going for a stroll with his golden retriever in Harbin, Heilongjiang, local media outlet the Paper reports. Then, out of nowhere, a black and white cat drops out of the sky and hits him on the head, causing him to collapse to the sidewalk unconscious. According to reports, the kitty belonged to his elderly neighbor and had fallen from his balcony. Several bystanders can be seen walking past Gao’s prone body before his dog approaches him to see what’s amiss. It spots the culprit lurking by a building and lunges at it, barking, whereupon the two engage in an intense face-off, before the camera cuts back to his owner on the ground. Sadly, Gao wasn’t feline fine after his kitten-induced KO. According to the Sun, he spent 23 days in the hospital, and still has to wear a neck brace and undergo physical therapy. Gao is seeking compensation from his neighbor over the hairy incident.
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