ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: SEASON’S BEATINGS
A Florida Woman was arrested yesterday for battery after allegedly striking her sister with a Christmas decoration during a 2 AM domestic dispute, according to court records. Police allege that Shirley Rogers, 55, was arguing with her boyfriend when her sibling sought to “diffuse the situation.” However, that attempt failed, cops say. The victim told investigators that while she was “trying to calm the defendant down,” Rogers (seen at right) pushed her in the chest and then “grabbed a Christmas cone” and struck her in the torso with the holiday adornment.
Boner Candidate #2: I’D LIKE TO READ YOUR DOCTORAL DISSERTATION TUCKER
Fox News host Tucker Carlson doubled down on mocking incoming first lady Jill Biden on his Wednesday show, labeling her as “illiterate” and blasting her doctoral dissertation. On his Wednesday show, Carlson continued his criticism against Biden and her doctoral degree in education, piling on earlier attacks after The Wall Street Journal published an op-ed last week encouraging her not to use the “Dr.” title as a nonmedical doctor.
Boner Candidate #3: MY MOM IS TRYING TO STRONG ARM ME.
Vanessa Bryant and her mother have been wrapped up in a feud in recent months that culminated in a lawsuit earlier this week, and Bryant has now accused her mother of a money grab. Bryant’s mother, Sofia Lane, filed a lawsuit against Vanessa this week claiming Vanessa and her late husband, Kobe Bryant, promised to take care of Laine financially for the rest of her life. Laine claimed she was a nanny for Vanessa and Kobe and was “forced” to work around the clock for 18 years without receiving proper meals or breaks. She says she was never compensated for her work.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING TO CHEAT AND CONNIVE
St. George, Utah • Officials at Zion National Park have started plans to reopen shuttles into the park for next season and are hoping to avoid ticketing scalping, where people purchase and resell the tickets for higher prices. A temporary shuttle ticket system was introduced over the summer that required visitors to purchase a $1 ticket and reserve a ride time to help reduce overcrowding during the coronavirus pandemic, The Spectrum reported. The shuttle was sold out for days in advance throughout the summer and remained booked despite releasing some tickets the day before or day of, officials said.
Boner Candidate #2: INCLUDING A WOODCHUCK
A Connecticut has been charged with numerous animal cruelty offences in connection to an October search of her ‘uninhabitable’ home where police found dozens of animals, including three dead animals and a ‘lifeless’ dog. Donna Scirocco, 59, was arrested on Tuesday and charged with six counts of cruelty to animals, the Hamden Police Department said. She is currently being held in lieu of a court-ordered bond of $5000, the CT Post reports.
Boner Candidate #3: THAT WAS MY WIFE CRYING OUT IN ECSTASY
Hollywood, FL — A Florida high school teacher is being investigated over allegations that he watched porn during a virtual class — after a former student posted a clip of the lesson online, district officials said. Michael Braeseke, who teaches social sciences at South Broward High in Hollywood, appeared to be sitting at a desk looking down as a woman apparently screamed in ecstasy — saying, “Oh my God!” — during a virtual class on Friday, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported.
