ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: THIS IS WHAT MR. DISNEY GETS FOR PUTTING HIS PARK IN FLORIDA
A naked, alcohol driven fight broke out in the bushes at Disney world after one sister slipped on the vomit of the other.
Boner Candidate #2: HOW ABOUT RESOLVING YOUR CASE WITH A FINE AND MAYBE SOME JAIL TIME SIR? HOW ABOUT THAT?
Rep. Seegmiller from St. George is working towards a resolution for his poaching case.
Boner Candidate #3: GOD I WISH I’D SEEN THIS.
A drunken woman went on the run in an airport using a motorized suitcase.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: MY YARD IS NOT THE CITY DUMP. OR, HEY COOL; FREE COUCHES.
A man in Provo keeps discovering stolen recliners being dumped onto his lawn.
Boner Candidate #2: IT IS NOT A PRO-RIOT MUG. IT’S NOT.
Sen. Josh Hawley is denying that his mug has nothing to do with riots despite it depicting his infamous Jan. 6th salute and the words: “SHOW-ME STRONG!”
Boner Candidate #3: THANKS FOR THE KIDNEY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO MONTHLY PAYMENTS?
A man who donated his kidney was charged over $13,000 after his insurance fell flat.
