ROUND ONE
BONER CANDIDATE #1: THE SCANTILY-CLAD INSTAGRAM MODEL
A security team tackled a scantily-clad Instagram model to the floor before escorting her out of the Super Bowl after she ran on to the field. The footage was recorded by a fan who was sitting in the stands of the Hard Rock Stadium for the annual sporting spectacular in Miami Gardens, Florida, last night. In the video, six members of staff can be seen huddled together on the right-hand side of the screen. They appear to be grappling with a female member of the public who is lying face down on the ground after attempting to get on to the field. More members of staff rush around in an attempt to clear a path for the pitch invader to be removed from the stadium. The players can be seen running out from the touchline in the background while they wait for the field to be cleared. The clip cuts to the scantily clad woman being escorted out by guards with her hands secured behind her back. She is wearing a black mini-dress with white trainers but as she continues to walk past the crowd she flicks up her hem to expose bright pink underwear. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: COULDN’T YOU FIND A BETTER MUGSHOT?
A wanted Aussie woman couldn’t hold her tongue after police posted a “trailer trash” mugshot of her on Facebook — attracting hundreds of comments. Police in Newcastle, New South Wales, Australia, shared the “most recent image” they had of Tiffany-Anne Brislane, 23, who is being hunted for alleged stealing offenses. The 2015 image shows Brislane with her hair in a bun and a tattoo on her collarbone that reads: “We don’t remember days, we remember moments.” The police asked for comments relating to her whereabouts only. “Please refrain from comments that are prejudicial or offensive,” they wrote. However, hundreds of disparaging comments soon followed and Brislane decided to hit back. “Loving the photo taken how many years ago,” she sarcastically wrote overnight. “Let’s calm down on the comments guys. “It’s not every day I look like trailer trash. Let’s just say it wasn’t a good angle shall we.” Newcastle police responded by writing: “(It’s) probably time you walk into a police station before we find you.” Brislane then took to her personal Facebook page, where she uploaded an “actual pic of me.” “Here’s an actual pic of me,” she wrote. “Let’s take the time to acknowledge this is not my current Newcastle police page photo they’ve decided to upload from 2015.” Brislane’s family members have also posted on the thread, lashing out at the “nasty” comments. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: THROW THE DOCTORS IN JAIL FOR THEIR DOCTORING
The new coronavirus that has spread consternation around the world over the last few weeks has now killed more people in China than the SARS epidemic of 2002-2003. China’s health commission reported on Sunday that there were 361 deaths nationwide. During the SARS outbreak, 349 people died in mainland China and 774 altogether around the world. The Chinese stock markets took major hits on Monday, and the whole nation feels its growing isolation. Yet last December—before people all over China were falling sick with pneumonia-like symptoms, before people around the world grew alarmed about a disease leaping from captured wild animals to human shoppers in dense Chinese food markets, and before coronavirus reached new shores after being carried onto planes by human hosts, forcing the World Health Organization to declare a global emergency—eight people discussed how several patients in Wuhan were experiencing severe, rapid breakdowns in their respiratory systems. They were part of a medical school’s alumni group on WeChat, a popular social network in China, and they were concerned that SARS, Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, was back. It wasn’t long before police detained them. The authorities said these eight doctors and medical technicians were “misinforming” the public, that there was no SARS, that the information was obviously wrong, and that everyone in the city must remain calm. On the first day of 2020, Wuhan police said they had “taken legal measures” against the eight individuals who had “spread rumors.” Since then, the phenomenal spread of the virus has created cracks even within the normally united front of the Chinese Communist Party. “It might have been fortunate if the public had believed the ‘rumor’ and started to wear masks, carry out sanitization measures, and avoid the wild animal market,” a judge of China’s Supreme People’s Court wrote online last Tuesday. Read More
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ROUND TWO
BONER CANDIDATE #1: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DELIVER THE MAIL
A United States postal worker was caught with a public storage unit full of mail he never delivered. Jason Delacruz pleaded guilty to charges of delay of mail by a postal employee in August 2019. He is set to be sentenced on February 12. Delacruz, who worked as a mail carrier in Chesapeake, Virginia, said he felt “pressured” and couldn’t “make time” to complete his mail route, according to court documents. He told authorities that he rented a public storage unit for $49 per month for “the sole purpose of storing mail he could not deliver.” The employee said he started hiding mail in November or December 2018 and he rented the storage unit in February 2019, according to court records. He said he put mail he was unable to deliver in the unit from that time up until he was discovered in May 2019. Delacruz told authorities he intended to deliver the mail in the storage unit, but he fell behind and was never able to, according to court documents. He said he never destroyed any mail. Delacruz’s attorney, Wilfredo Bonilla, Jr., told CNN Wednesday that he was unable to comment at this time. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: NOTHING SAYS “I LOVE YOU” LIKE FIREBALL SHOOTERS
While it’s a tried-and-true choice, chocolate for Valentine’s Day is tired. There, I said it. You know it’s coming, so there is simply no wow-factor unless you do something insane…like back a truckload of chocolate into someone’s home or fly your S.O. to a chocolate shop in Belgium. Seeing as those ideas are not suuuper realistic, look no further than this heart-shaped box of Fireball shooters to truly astound your partner, Galentine, or heck, even yourself this V-Day. A food product watchdog account on Instagram posted a photo of these Fireball Valentine’s Day hearts called “Chocolate Is For Amateurs.” It was found at Vlamis Liquors, a local liquor store in Maryland. The beginning of the caption reads: “Life is like a box of Fireball, you never know which shot you’ll get.” Honestly, I’m kind of very into that, even though all of the shooters seem to be exactly the same in content and size. But, hey, I like where the Instagrammer’s head is at. If you close your eyes and spin around, you won’t know which spot you might grab from in the box next, so there’s that! Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: I’LL GIVE YOU A HAMBURGER…IT’S FROM CHILI’S
A man has been arrested after offering an undercover police officer a Chili’s hamburger in exchange for sex. Dominic Calderon, 36, was arrested during an undercover ‘street operation’ organised by the Albuquerque Police Department’s Vice Unit on Central Avenue in Albuquerque, New Mexico, on January 28. Calderon – a registered sex offender who was on probation at the time – approached the officer, who was posing as a sex worker, on his bicycle and asked how much she would charge for a sexual encounter. Calderon was reportedly discussing terms and a price with the undercover officer when he revealed he wouldn’t be able to pay her until the following Friday, when he received his wage from work. He went on to ask for the woman’s phone number so he could get in touch when he had been paid. The officer noticed Calderon was holding a takeaway food box from the restaurant Chili’s and asked him what was inside. He told her it was a hamburger, and the officer suggested he could use the food as her payment, instead of cash. According to court documents obtained by The Smoking Gun, Calderon agreed to the terms and asked the officer to ‘meet him at his place’. At that point the officer gave the ‘predetermined arrest signal’ and Calderon was taken in by police. Read More
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