Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for January 21st, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: I’M HAVING A BIT OF TROUBLE SEEING.

The 47-year-old, who threatened staff with a meat cleaver, left the branch with nearly £2,000 but was later arrested. Davies, of Dunfermline, pleaded guilty to a charge of assault and robbery. A hearing at the High Court in Glasgow heard how Davies entered the Bank of Scotland branch and pulled the meat cleaver from the pillow case before putting the bedding item on to cover his face. But the failure to create eye holes meant he had to take it off. After threatening staff, Davies was initially given about £300 but the 47-year-old demanded more cash and also warned he would hurt a female customer if it was not handed over. Davies then repeatedly battered a glass partition at the bank’s counter with the meat cleaver and left the branch with £1,980. The court heard how a witness then followed Davies from the branch to his Dunfermline home. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: GOD TOOK GOOD CARE OF ME.

A woman in Pennsylvania drove into the path of an oncoming vehicle as a way to test her faith, resulting in two people being injured, police say. State police also say she showed no concern for the people who were in injured, the Associated Press reports. Nadejda Reilly, 31, is charged with aggravated assault and other offenses. She allegedly caused a wreck on Route 93 near Weatherly, Pennsylvania, on purpose on January 7. According to the AP, Reilly told an investigator she had been driving around for a few hours, waiting for a calling from God, when she decided to drive through the oncoming vehicle. “Reilly related God took care of her by not having her injured,” Pennsylvania State Trooper Bruce Balliet wrote in an arrest affidavit, according to the AP. “Reilly expressed no concerns or remorse for the victims. Reilly also stated she did not care if the other people were injured because God would have taken care of them.” Two people in the other vehicle were injured and taken to a hospital for treatment. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I’M SEXY VEGAN, THAT’S MY NAME.

A California man named Sexy Vegan entered a no-contest plea in a case where he was accused of sexually assaulting his dog and posting a video of the abuse on social media, officials announced Friday. Vegan — whose name was previously Hansel Marion DeBartolo III — was busted for posting a video that showed a pit bull licking his rear end on Sept. 5, the Los Angeles County DA’s office said. The 37-year-old West Hollywood man entered the no-contest plea to one misdemeanor count of disturbing the peace and was sentenced to two years probation, 100 hours of community services and a 52-week sexual offender program, prosecutors said. He had initially been charged with one misdemeanor count each of sexual assault on an animal and posting obscene matter. As part of his plea, the two dogs that were taken from Vegan — who has his moniker tattooed across his face — won’t be returned to him, and he cannot get any new pets during his probation, prosecutors said. Read More

ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: KIDS, NEVER FALL ASLEEP ON THE BUS.

A mother says her 5-year-old son fell asleep on the bus on his way to Elms Elementary School in Swartz Creek, Michigan. The child was asleep and did not get off the bus, according to the mother, Valorie Frank. He woke up sometime later alone in the bus garage. Then, according to the police, the child started to walk down a busy road. Officers received a 911 call from a bus driver saying saw the child walking down the road. Officers found the child and were able to bring him back to his home. Lieutenant Joel Green said that the young boy knew his own address so the officers could get him home safe around 9:30 a.m. Friday morning. The mother is furious with the school district after her son was allegedly left behind and put in danger. WEYI reached out the Swartz Creek Superintendent Ben Manika. He said that an “internal investigation is underway to find all validity in the matter”. He says that the school district’s bus drivers are trained for safety protocols and that they will be continuing an investigation to ensure something like this will never happen again. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: THE SCREAMING PIG.

A theme park has forced a 220lb pig to bungee jump from a 223-foot-tall tower in a promotional stunt that sparked nationwide outrage and was labelled ‘disgusting’ by animal welfare activists.
Footage taken on Saturday at the tourist attraction in Chongqing shows the animal whining in desperation as it was bound to a wooden stick and carried by two workers up the structure. A separate clip then captures workers dragging the pig which was clearly terrified to the edge of the bungee platform, attaching it to a safety harness before pushing it down. The pig can be heard screaming repeatedly as it plunged down the tower while being attached to a rope and a blue cape. The park has apologised to the public amid the controversy. A spokesperson told local media that the pig had been sent to a slaughterhouse, insisting that it was well. The controversial incident, branded as ‘golden pig bungee jumping’, was held by Meixin Red Wine Town in the district of Fuling to celebrate the opening of its bungee tower on the same day. The amusement park also claimed that it wanted to use the performance to celebrate the upcoming Lunar New Year. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: IT WORKED IN A MOVIE I SAW.

A Florida man attempted a “not so great escape” last week when he tried hiding from deputies underwater in a pond – an “action movie” stunt that officials easily foiled when he came up for air, authorities said. Daniel Christopher Booth, 36, had warrants out for his arrest in Baker County for selling methamphetamine, the Suwanee County Sheriff’s Office wrote Wednesday on Facebook.
When a deputy attempted to arrest Booth at his job at a solar power plant, the sheriff’s office said, the 36-year-old ran away and dove into a pond. “Now we can only assume that Mr. Booth has seen one too many action movies and thought he could hide from the K9 teams, from Suwannee CI and Mayo CI by hiding under the water in a pond,” the post read. Booth was arrested and transported, still soaking wet, to the county jail, the sheriff’s office said. (Suwanee County Sheriff’s Office) Deputies quickly spotted Booth when he came to the surface for air and made the arrest, according to the post. Read More


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