ROUND ONE
BONER CANDIDATE #1: LET’S SEE IF THE BOYS CAN TASTE THIS
A groundbreaking 2013 study of how mice can taste with their testicles has resurfaced online. And now social media bozos are testing the theory, first published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, by dipping their genitals in soy sauce for the latest bizarre TikTok trend. The study was apparently rediscovered by TikTok user Regan, who challenged male social media users to “please dip your balls in something [because] it’s for science and I must know.” Go figure: TikTokers were eager to lend their scrotums to science. One viral response — posted five days ago by user Alx James — depicts an intrepid gastronomer basting his sack with soy sauce (don’t worry, he doesn’t show the actual application) while sitting in his car with takeout grub. James says he was inspired by the portion of the study that claims “the amino acids inside soy sauce can also be detected by the balls.” James also claims his testicular taste test was a success. “Oh my God, I can taste the salt!” exclaims the ecstatic experimenter, adding “that’s ridiculous” before the clip ends. Needless to say, the viral vid racked up more than 800,000 likes and 9,000-plus comments from the peanut gallery. “When I was younger, I thought in 2020 we’d have flying cars but no it’s just guys dipping their junk in soy sauce,” mused one social media pundit. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: MY DOG IS NOT AGGRESSIVE
A local hiker is recovering from injuries sustained during a dog attack on Monday morning. Ogden Police confirmed the report made by Denielle Schow, who says she and her dog were attacked by an off-leash dog on the Waterfall Canyon trail near the 29th Street Trailhead. Schow says she was near the top of the trail with her German shepherd on a leash when an unleashed white husky came running toward them. “I was holding my dog back and then they [both dogs] just went at it in front of me, and my leg was just fair game in middle,” Schow said. She says the other dog’s owner was nowhere to be found for a few minutes, until he came down the trail a few minutes later. “I was kind of dumbfounded that he didn’t even stop, he just kept walking and talking and that was it,” Schow said. “If my dog injured a person, I would be like, ‘Oh my gosh, let me help you.’” Schow says the man may have exchanged false information with her, including his name. FOX 13 tried to reach the man on the phone number provided to Schow and was unsuccessful. As of Tuesday afternoon, Ogden Police weren’t able to reach the other dog’s owner either. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: EVERYBODY’S RASSLIN’
A North Carolina father was arrested and charged with simple assault and disorderly conduct after he tackled a high school wrestler during a match on Saturday, Jan. 18. According to police, Barry Lee Jones was watching his son compete at AL Brown High School in Kannapolis. He rushed in when his son’s opponent performed an illegal move. Footage of the incident shared to social media shows Jones rushing in and tackling the wrestler from behind. Other footage of the fight shows a spectator pulling Jones to the ground and placing him in a chokehold. According to reports, the judge on the mat at the time of the incident had signaled an illegal move. Jones was processed at the Cabarrus County Jail and received a $1,000 secured bond. Read More
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ROUND TWO
BONER CANDIDATE #1: THE BACK TO THE FUTURE DENTIST
An Alaska dentist, who gained notoriety after he was seen in a video riding a hoverboard and pulling teeth, was convicted of defrauding the Alaska Medicaid program. Seth Lookhart was convicted Friday of 46 counts of felony medical assistance fraud and scheming to defraud, plus misdemeanor counts of illegally practicing dentistry and reckless endangerment. The conviction followed a five-week bench trial before Anchorage Superior Court Judge Michael Wolverton, who wrote the state’s evidence was overwhelming. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: I ALMOST THREW UP
KFC has been slammed for a ‘sexist’ new ad that ‘objectifies women’ while promoting the fast food chain’s famous Zinger box. The 15-second ad shows a young woman leaning down to inspect her appearance and adjust her cleavage in the reflection of a parked car’s window. The window then rolls down to reveal an unimpressed mother and her two young sons gawking at the woman’s scantily-clad body. The woman then smiles and asks, ‘Did someone say KFC?’ The catchphrase is part of a series of KFC ‘bucket’ ads, with bucket being a play on words for ‘f**k it’. But women’s rights group Collective Shout has slammed the fast food giant for promoting sexism in the televised ad campaign. Spokeswoman Melinda Liszewski said the ad was a ‘regression to tired and archaic stereotypes where young women are sexually objectified for male pleasure’. Ms Liszewski said the young boys are ‘helplessly transfixed when confronted with the opportunity to ogle a woman’s body’. ‘Ads like this reinforce the false idea that we can’t expect better from boys,’ she said. ‘It is another manifestation of the “boys will be boys” trope, hampering our ability to challenge sexist ideas which contribute to harmful behaviour towards women and girls. ‘The research is solid: attitudes shape behaviour. A growing number of reports show how re-enforcing of gender stereotypes – including in advertising – contributes to a lesser view of women, resulting in their mistreatment.’ Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: A SLUR IN THE FROST
A car was marked with the N-word at the University of Utah on Monday morning — shortly before the celebrations on campus of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. University officials say the graffitied racial slur was done by someone pressing their finger into the frost on the car’s windshield and was not permanent. But, they say, the act was serious. They have identified multiple individuals involved, according to a statement from the school, and are “taking appropriate actions.” “This word evokes white supremacy, reminds us that a violent, racist past is still with us today, and invokes fear at a time when we strive to ensure that all our staff, students and faculty find their place as part of our campus community,” wrote the university’s senior leadership, including U. President Ruth Watkins, in a letter shared with students and faculty Tuesday evening. U. spokeswoman Annalisa Purser said the school is hoping to release more details on the vandalism this week. For privacy reasons, she added, she declined to say if the car belonged to a student or person of color or where it was parked. “We’re not sure if it was targeted,” Purser said. “We’re still gathering details.” It’s also unclear if the graffiti was done by students. And the university will not say what actions it has taken against those individuals — though it notes more than one person was involved. The vandalism is not considered criminal because it did not cause permanent damage. Read More
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