Round One
Boner Candidate #1: WE’RE ONLY TRYING TO HONOR OUR N. EUROPEAN ANCESTORS.
The clapboard walls have been painted white and the door is a bright, lacquered red. Sitting on the edge of town, surrounded by virgin snow, Murdock, Minnesota’s Old Lutheran Church is candy-box perfect. But it is not at all as it seems in this small Midwestern town, because the church in its midst is a hub not of seasonal goodwill, but of fear, distrust and alleged white supremacy. On December 9, Murdock City Council granted the Asatru Folk Assembly (AFA) a permit to turn the formerly run-down church it quietly purchased in June, into its ‘hof,’ or gathering place. To the AFA’s 800 or so members, united in ‘kindreds’ across 22 States, the AFA is a religion ‘honoring’ the culture and ethnicity of their Northern European ancestors. To a host of experts in religion and extremism they are a white supremacy hate group – classified by the Southern Poverty Law Center (|SPLC) as this country’s largest example of Neo-Volkisch hate, a right-wing fringe that revived the Anti-Semitic German ‘volkisch’ movement post 1945.
Boner Candidate #2: I’LL WIN THIS RACE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
Russian Aleksander Bolshunov, the world’s top-ranked cross-country skier, was disqualified after whipping at a Finnish opponent with a ski pole on the finishing straight, then tackling the skier after they crossed the finish line of a World Cup relay on Sunday. Bolshunov was slightly trailing Finland’s Joni Mäki going into the final straightaway of a 4×7.5km relay in Lahti, Finland. Mäki shifted to his right, closer to Bolshunov along the advertising boards, and the two athletes’ skis made contact. The Russian was knocked off balance. Obstruction is illegal, but Mäki and his Finnish were not disqualified or relegated. Bolshunov reacted by whipping his right ski pole at Mäki, then doing it again with more force as the Finn skied away from him to grab second place. Bolshunov crossed in third place moments later, then veered off his line and collided into the side and back of Mäki, who fell to the snow surrounded by his teammates.
Boner Candidate #3: PUT EVERY ONE OF THEM IN JAIL
SALT LAKE CITY — A legislative committee shut down briefly on Monday after a small group of anti-mask demonstrators showed up. It came on the same day two senators disclosed they had tested positive for COVID-19. Lawmakers said they were in the middle of the Social Services Appropriations Committee on Monday morning when three people, unmasked, walked into the room. “We’re going to go ahead and pause. We’ve just received direction from House and Senate leadership that we need to take a break on our committee,” Senate co-chair Jake Anderegg said. “We have members in the audience that are not complying with the health department rule for masks.” Committee leaders took a 10-minute recess and ordered the room cleared. Lawmakers on the committee were told to go to their offices and participate virtually. When FOX 13 arrived in the committee room, about 20 minutes after the initial incident, only Sen. Anderegg, R-Lehi, and House co-chair Paul Ray, R-Clearfield, remained with a handful of interns and staffers.
Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: SHOULDN’T WE GET THE VACCINE BEFORE THOSE SAVAGES?
Located deep in Canada’s Yukon, the remote community of Beaver Creek is home to only about 100 people, most of them members of the White River First Nation. So when an unfamiliar couple who claimed to work at a local motel showed up at a mobile clinic to receive coronavirus vaccines, it didn’t take long for locals to become suspicious. Authorities soon found that the couple were actually wealthy Vancouver residents who had chartered a private plane to the isolated outpost so that they could get shots intended to protect vulnerable Indigenous elders. “I can’t believe I’ve ever seen or heard of such a despicable, disgusting sense of entitlement and lack of a moral compass,” Mike Farnworth, the British Columbia solicitor general, said Monday, according to the Vancouver Sun. Canadian media outlets have identified the couple as casino executive Rodney Baker, 55, and his wife, Ekaterina Baker, a 32-year-old actress whose recent credits include the 2020 films “Fatman” and “Chick Fight.” Each faces fines totaling the equivalent of about $900 for violating quarantine guidelines. Neither could immediately be reached for comment late Monday, and it was not clear if they have attorneys.
Boner Candidate #2: NICE CAR, MIND IF I TRY IT OUT?
Chicago, IL — A 35-year-old man was carjacked Friday night after allowing another man to test drive his Lexus in the Uptown neighborhood, Chicago police said. The 35-year-old man was letting another man drive his black Lexus RX 330 about 9:30 p.m. in the 800 block of West Wilson Avenue when the robber then “became irate” and asked the victim if he was a law enforcement officer, police said. The robber then displayed a gun and ordered the 35-year-old to get out of the Lexus, which he fled in, speeding east on Wilson from Hazel Street as a black Chevrolet Equinox followed, police said.
Boner Candidate #3: DO YOU HAVE A LICENSE TO CONDUCT THIS STUPIDITY?
Dozens of people who were drinking and smoking hookah inside an illegal club in New York City were cited over the weekend and the club owner has been arrested, authorities said. Sheriff Joseph Fucito announced that deputies found at least 75 people inside an illegal bar located at 65-25 Roosevelt Avenue in Queens on Saturday. The location had a “heavily fortified” door and blocked egresses, creating a safety hazard in the event of a fire or other emergency, Fucito said. Firefighters had to force their way through the entry into the nightclub and when deputies tried to inspect the bar, owner and operator Marco Chacon allegedly refused to cooperate and attempted to restrain the deputies. Authorities then discovered that the 41-year-old did not have a valid New York State Liquor License. In addition, National Grid reported to authorities that a dangerous level of carbon monoxide was being vented into the nightclub space and it could have resulted in injury or fatality of people inside. Chacon was charged with obstructing governmental administration, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and organizing a nonessential mass gathering. Additional alcohol-related charges are also pending, authorities said.
