BONER ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: THIS IS NOT A GOOD CULTURE TREND.
Have you ever thought about what it would have been like to skip getting married and finding a partner and just going straight to having a baby? Knowing what parents know, it probably sounds a little bit crazy, however, this is a new trend that is gaining popularity. Yes, you read correctly. The latest, weird child-rearing trend has to do with co-parenting on purpose with fellow single strangers. The New York Post recently reported on this trend and it seems like every parent who is taking advantage of it has a completely different reason. For instance, they reported that Yelena Pronoza, a 41-year-old accountant from Staten Island, and parent to an 18-year-old daughter, has always yearned for another child and wanted to make her daughter a big sister. We get that. Her husband of eight years made it clear he didn’t want kids, so she left him about four years ago, and took to the Internet (as so many of us do) for answers as to how she can make her dream of being a mother again come true. “I was thinking, ‘How long will it take me to create a new relationship that will bring a child?’ It could take a year, or it could take 10 years,” said Pronoza, who initially searched for sperm donors. “That’s when I discovered co-parenting.”
Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS A WITCH HUNT AND I’M A VICTIM
Of course, Djokovic took heavy fire for throwing tennis events in Croatia and Serbia with little to no social distancing or any significant protocols to prevent the spread of coronavirus.
In fact, there were photos and videos of Novak playing basketball with other athletes without masks during the tournament — and partying at a tightly packed nightclub withoutany PPE.
Novak — along with his wife and several other tournament participants — later tested positive for COVID. Shocker, right? Now, the 33-year-old is speaking out about the media coverage of his doomed event … and he’s really upset! “I can only see criticism lately and much of it is malicious,” Djokovic told the Serbian newspaper, Sportski Zurnal. “It’s obviously more than just criticism — it’s like an agenda and a witch-hunt are on. Someone has to take the fall, a big name.” Novak was also asked if he’ll play in the upcoming U.S. Open.
Boner Candidate #3: NOW DON’T GO ASKING ME TO MAKE A JOKE ABOUT KILLING MY GOSH DARNED HUSBAND
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BONER ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: WAIT! YOU STOLE A CAR TOO?
Oregon Man Driving Stolen Car Crashes Into Woman Driving Another Stolen Car NEWBERG, OR. – A police chase in Oregon ended when a driver fleeing authorities in a stolen car crashed into a woman driving another stolen car. The debacle took place Monday when police responded to a report of a stolen Toyota Land Cruiser driving through downtown Newberg, according to the Newberg-Dundee police. A pursuit ensued, and lasted for several blocks until the driver crashed into another car near an intersection. Cops identified the driver of the first car as Randy Lee Cooper of Portland. After taking Cooper into custody, the police realized that the second car was also reported stolen in an unrelated crime three weeks ago. The driver of that car, Kristin Nicole Begue, was also found to be under the influence. Cooper was charged with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle, attempting to elude police, assault and reckless driving.
Boner Candidate #2: LET’S MAKE THEM KEEP DRIVING THOSE DEATH TRAPS
A United States Postal Service delivery truck. The USPS’s “Long Lasting Vehicle” delivery trucks, or LLVs, have been catching fire at a rate of approximately 70 per year since 2014. When you hear the words “mail truck,” do you imagine a boxy, white-and-blue vehicle with a steering wheel on its right side? Probably. Do you picture it engulfed in flames? Probably not. That image has become common in recent years, though — to a shocking degree. A new investigation by Motherboard, Vice’s long-form investigative enterprise, details the alarming trend, in which more than 400 U.S. Postal Service delivery trucks have been damaged or destroyed by fires since May 2014. That means on average, a USPS delivery truck is catching fire every five days. Reporter Aaron Gordon broke the story after he and Motherboard obtained nearly 4,000 pages of fire investigation report documents through a Freedom of Information Act request. According to a tweet posted by Gordon on Tuesday, it all began with a handwritten letter he received eight months ago, which contained just one sentence: “File a FOIA with USPS for LLV truck fires.”
Boner Candidate #3: I’M PRETTY SURE THAT AIN’T MOMMA
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