Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for July 29th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: TOE SUCKING.

Armie Hammer’s wife, Elizabeth Chambers, has responded to the widespread interest and criticism over their kid sucking on dad’s toes. In response to someone on Instagram, she wrote … “it wasn’t seven minutes…more like five seconds.” She went on to say, “Our son likes to play with people’s feet and I put the video on our family stream because this phase is an ongoing joke. Sharing the video on Instagram was def not the best move on A’s part, but I can assure you that our children’s safety and well-being is always our first priority.” The actor posted a video to his Instagram story Saturday that showed a pretty gnarly sight — his 2-year-old son, Ford, sucking his dad’s toes, big one included. In the since-expired clip, Armie is being recorded — presumably by his wife, Elizabeth Chambers — lying down on a coach with his boy on the other end, and the kid’s mouth on two of his pop’s toes. Looks like Ford’s really trying to get more in there too. At the time, Armie captioned the clip, “This happened for a solid 7 minutes… #footfetishonfleek” And, the woman on the video jokingly notes, “This is not normal.”     Read More

Boner Candidate #2: I GUESS WE HAVE TO CALL 911.

As Belgium experienced its hottest day on record on Wednesday, two men found themselves in a sticky situation — trapped in a shipping container full of cocaine, the men became so hot that they called the police on themselves. Police were called to the port of Antwerp on Wednesday by the men, who were trapped inside a shipping container for several hours, a spokesman for Antwerp’s shipping police told CNN. Temperatures rose to 102 Fahrenheit Wednesday, the hottest ever recorded in the country, according to the national weather service. Wednesday’s record was smashed a day later, with 105.2 Fahrenheit recorded, according to the UK’s Met Office. “They called the police to get them out of there, because the container was locked from the outside,” a spokesman for Antwerp’s shipping police told CNN. The police were in for quite a surprise. “They found a lot of cocaine inside the container,” the spokesman said. The men are currently in custody, and police have opened an investigation.     Read More

Boner Candidate #3: WHEN YOU GOTTA GO, YOU GOTTA GO.

Amazon has issued an apology to a customer in the UK after a delivery driver was caught on video defecating in her garden. The footage shows a man wearing a bright yellow vest popping a squat behind a wooden fence on the Wiltshire property of Rebekah Eleanor Read, who posted the security tape on social media with the comment, “Amazon….what a pile of [poo emoji] it is literally what they deliver to you!!!” Apparently having finished his business, the man is shown pulling up his pants and tossing what appears to be toilet paper behind him, then hopping back over the fence and making his getaway. On Read’s Facebook post, which had over 3,000 shares before it was removed, she wrote, “Yes it sounds funny but it really isn’t…he felt the need to hop over our fence and do a poo in our garden and bag up the tissue and throw in the hedge then hops back over the fence and walks off!!” A spokesperson for Amazon says the driver works for a third-party delivery service outsourced by the online shopping giant. “We have very high standards for our delivery service providers and how they serve customers,” says Amazon. “We are taking this matter seriously and have reached out to the customer to apologize for the experience and offer our support.”     Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: SHE COULD HAVE BEEN A TERRORIST.

A 9-year-old American citizen on her way to school was apprehended by U.S. immigration officials and detained for some 32 hours before she was released back to her family. Federal officials said later that the girl, who was carrying a U.S. passport card with her, gave “inconsistent information.” “I was scared. I didn’t have my mom or my brother. I was completely by myself,” Julia Isabel Amparo Medina told NBC-7 TV in San Diego. Medina, her 14-year-old brother and two friends were being driven to school by the friends’ mom from their home in Tijuana to San Ysidro last Monday. Thousands of people travel through the Tijuana-San Ysidro crossing daily for school or work. When traffic slowed to a crawl, the mom told the children to walk across the border so they wouldn’t be late. An official detained Medina, saying she didn’t look like the photo on her passport card. They finally released her Tuesday evening about 32 hours later. U.S. Customs and Border Protection said in a statement that the girl, whom they confirmed is an American citizen, “provided inconsistent information during her inspection,” which they didn’t elaborate. She was taken into custody so officers could “perform due diligence in confirming her identity and citizenship,” according to the statement. Officials had no explanation for why the process took 32 hours or why the 9-year-old was in custody the entire time.     Read More

Boner Candidate #2: THE KEYS WAS IN IT.

A man in Houston was craving KFC and cigarettes, so police say he stole an ambulance to get them. KTRK reports police were called early Thursday about a man who stole an ambulance. It was allegedly sitting outside of a psychiatric hospital where he used to be a patient. The keys were in it, and the ambulance was running. He then ran his errands, and also picked up a bag of Doritos. “I rolled up on him, opened the door, asked him why he had the ambulance — he said he needed a ride. He backed out, put his hands behind him and I handcuffed him,” said Harris County Sheriff’s Office Lt. Lynwood Moreau. The man is now in jail, charged with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.     Read More

Boner Candidate #3: THEY REALLY SHOULD STAY TOGETHER.

The frosty split between Rudy and Judi Giuliani devolved into a wreck-the-halls battle Thursday — as she accused him of swiping her Christmas decorations and he griped that she took his cable box. The Christmas-in-July jousting erupted in Manhattan’s Divorce Court as the onetime power couple turned from battling over millions of dollars in assets to more pressing issues — the whereabouts of her colossal toy soldiers and his TV remotes. Judi “has a huge walk-in closet of decorations” that Rudy is holding hostage, a friend told The Post, referring to a holiday stash that Judi kept at their condo at East 66th Street and Madison Avenue before their split. The decorations had piled up over their 15-year marriage, but when Judi packed up the apartment and moved out in late May to decamp full-time to their Southampton mansion, she realized she had forgotten to clear out the closet, the friend said. The pals claim that the former New York City mayor, who now works as an attorney to President Trump, won’t give back her holiday paraphernalia because she vindictively walked off with his cable box and remote controls — to make sure he couldn’t watch himself on TV.     Read More 

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