ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I’M SHOCKED THAT THERE WERE ANY FANS TO BE SHOCKED
Alicia Silverstone finally revealed the proper pronunciation of her name on TikTok. As she put it: “it’s Ali-See-yuh, not Alee-Sha”
Boner Candidate #2: MARK JUST LOVES STICKIN’ PIGS.
CEO of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg was seen hunting wild boar in Hawaii. This is all after he announces that he will be working from home.
Boner Candidate #3: SURE.
A survey conducted by Politico and Morning Consult has shown that 29% of republicans believe that the twice impeached former president Donald Trump will return to his position as president.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: THE BEAR WAS TOO BIG TO MOVE
James Stimac is receiving 15 months of prison for killing, and beheading a black bear at the Red Lake Indian Reservation in northern Minnesota. The bear was one of 7, which isn’t allowed to be hunted by non-Indians.
Boner Candidate #2: HE HAD MORE CRACK THAN CAMERA EQUIPMENT
A farmer at a vineyard spotted a suspicious hat and discovered someone stuck in a large fan for two days. He claimed he liked to take pictures of farm equipment, but as the authorities said: “had far more methamphetamine than camera equipment.”
Boner Candidate #3: A PERFECTLY GOOD REASON FOR SETTING A PERSON ON FIRE
After setting her husband on fire, Tuhonsty Marie Smith from Milwaukee admits that she waited for her husband to go to sleep, before burning him. She believed he had poisoned her chicken wings. Luckily, the husband wasn’t killed.
