Boners

Boner of the Day for March 25th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: I DON’T CARE MAN, SHE IS HOT AF.

Luka Jovic — a star striker for Real Madrid — broke quarantine last week in order to see his model girlfriend … and now, officials say he’s facing jail time for the reckless move. Jovic, along with the rest of his teammates, were advised to stay in two-week isolation in Spain earlier this month after a Real Madrid basketball player tested positive for coronavirus. For good reason, there have been more than 2,800 deaths and 40,000 cases in Spain alone since the pandemic began. But, Jovic reportedly broke quarantine in order to fly back home to Serbia to see his pregnant girlfriend, Sofija Milosevic, last Thursday … and now, authorities in his homeland are PISSED that he didn’t isolate properly. President Aleksandar Vucic has reportedly claimed the 22-year-old soccer star is under investigation … and could face time behind bars for the move. Serbian prime minister Ana Brnabic reportedly added after learning of the incident, “We have negative examples of football stars who earn millions abroad and when they come back to Serbia, they don’t self-isolate as is obligatory.” Read More

 

Boner Candidate #2: TERRORIST LICKING

A Warrenton man was charged with making a terrorist threat after he filmed himself licking bunch of items at Walmart. “Who’s afraid of the coronavirus?” Cody Pfister, 26, taunts in a video he later posted to social media. The video spread around the world, and Warrenton police said in a statement the department had been contacted by people in the Netherlands, Ireland and the United Kingdom. “We take these complaints very seriously and would like to thank all of those who reported the video so the issue could be addressed,” police said in the statement. The video appears to have been filmed on March 11 at the Warrenton store, according to court records. Pfister was taken into custody this week, and Warren County prosecutors charged him today. The charge is a low-level felony. Bizarrely, he’s not the first person to get in trouble with police for licking surfaces as public health officials beg people to wash their hands, keep at least six feet apart and avoid touching their faces in hopes of slowing the spread of COVID-19. The manager of a grocery store in Wisconsin called police after a woman licked the door handle to a freezer, reportedly to protest the virus, while a manager was disinfecting the store, Newsweek reported. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I THINK SHE MEANT WELL

ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: CORONAVIRUS PARTY, WHA HOO!!

Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear announced Tuesday 39 new coronavirus cases in the state, including one young adult who attended a “coronavirus party,” apparently held to flaunt social distancing guidelines. “This is one that makes me mad, and it should make you mad,” Beshear said of the case that occurred after the person attended a party of people in their 20s, who health officials say are as a group less vulnerable to the COVID-19 disease caused by the novel coronavirus. “Anyone who goes to something like this may think they’re indestructible, but it’s someone else’s loved one that they are going to hurt,” he said at a news conference in the capital, Frankfort. “We are battling for the health and the lives of our parents and our grandparents,” he said. “Don’t be callous as to intentionally go to something and expose yourself to something that will hurt other people. We ought to be much better than that.” Beshear, a first-term Democrat, also announced that he would issue an order on Wednesday requiring all businesses not considered “life-sustaining” to close as part of the effort to contain the spread of the virus. He said grocery stores, pharmacies, filling stations and banks would be among those exempted from the order. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: BIT OF AN OVER-REACTION

A man has been accused of grabbing a 2 1/2-foot-long (76 centimeters) sword and chasing after another man who asked him to turn down his music, police in Manchester, New Hampshire, said. A man knocked on the door of Benjamin Layland, 47, on Monday, police said. Layland reportedly became upset and grabbed the sword. He allegedly chased the man down a hall, police said. The man got away and there were no injuries. Layland was charged with criminal threatening. He was scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday. It wasn’t immediately known if he had a lawyer who could speak on his behalf. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: DON’T THROW THAT PEE NAPKIN AT ME

Late Sunday evening, cops responded to the Clearwater Mall after receiving a report about a fight in progress. Witnesses told officers that after hearing a woman screaming “within the parking lot,” they discovered “the two naked within the car and wrestling with each other.” Cops separated the couple, identified in an arrest affidavit as Robert Janisch, a 21-year-old Minnesota resident, and his girlfriend of six months (both of whom “admitted to drinking alcohol today”). During police questioning, the pair each said that a physical confrontation occurred after they finished having sex inside the vehicle. The woman, cops reported, said after she “had intercourse with [Janisch] in their car, she had to urinate. She did so outside of the car.” And that is when the trouble began. “After she wiped herself she accidentally threw the napkin on” Janisch. Upon reentering the car, the couple began arguing and Janisch, police allege, choked the victim for several seconds, prompting her to scream for help. After being read his rights, Janisch reportedly told police he became “irate after she threw the pee napkin on him.” Janisch, cops say, declined to “advise who became physical first,” but claimed that the marks on his girlfriend’s neck “may have been from the beach.” Read More


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