ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: QUIT HELPING ME
Baton Rouge, LA, Fire Department – A woman is accused of punching a Louisiana firefighter who were trying to give her first aid over the weekend. The incident happened when Baton Rouge firefighters responded to a call concerning a possible drug overdose Saturday morning, The Advocate reports. After crews arrived at the scene, police said Marissa Mays, 28, was allegedly “violent and combative” with firefighters and medics who were trying to treat her. That’s when, according to witnesses, Mays allegedly punched a firefighter in the back of the head. The punch didn’t seriously injure the firefighter, who returned to duty after he was evaluated, the newspaper added. Mays was taken into custody by police, and she was charged with battery of emergency personnel, WBRZ-TV reports. As of Sunday, bond still hadn’t been set for Mays. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: ELK POACHING
SUMMIT COUNTY, Utah — Concerned community members in the Knob Hill area outside of Park City alerted wildlife officers of a depleting herd of bull elk recently. The Utah Division of Wildlife Resources is seeking information from the public after six mature bull elk were shot and killed between December 20, 2019 and January 15, 2020. Five of the six elk were considered trophy-sized animals and meet the restitution value of $8,000. “We’re always just upset whenever there is illegal hunting, illegal poaching, because it takes away that opportunity for other people who are going through the right channels to legally hunt,” said Utah DWR Public Information Officer Faith Heaton Jolley. “It’s a total waste of the meat that maybe could have been utilized by a licensed hunter.” According to Utah DWR and area residents, an officer came out to investigate the herd and located at least one deceased elk. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: COUNTRY FANS ARE SMART
Country superstar Garth Brooks owned Ford Field on Saturday night as he and 70,000 other gave as much they had for more than two hours. When country superstar Garth Brooks took the stage at a sold-out Ford Field in Detroit on Saturday, some fans were upset that he did so wearing a No. 20 “SANDERS” Lions football jersey. But Brooks’ shirt wasn’t a political statement — it was a homage to Barry Sanders, a longtime Lion and one of the best running backs in NFL history. During Brooks’ concert, he told the Detroit crowd that he thought Sanders was the “greatest player in NFL history.” But when Brooks posted a photo of the jersey on his Instagram earlier this week, dozens of fans thought the shirt was in support of Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders in the 2020 election. Read More
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: I MADE A JOKE
If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?! NFL prospect Trey Adams says he wants a “bigger d**k!” And, why do we know that?! Because the former Washington Huskies lineman said it ON CAMERA at the NFL Combine!! The 6’8″, 327-pound offensive tackle was doing the usual Q&A stuff with Combine staffers (not a specific team) when he got the layup question … and thought he’d give a jokey answer. Of course, these Q&A sessions are SUPPOSED to remain private, but someone leaked the footage … and yeah, it’s super-viral now! Ya gotta wonder if Trey’s stupid answer will affect his draft stock — would you hire a guy who made a penis joke in his job interview? Not everyone is laughing about the situation … especially former NFL exec (and current NFL analyst) Gil Brandt who’s pretty furious about the fact the footage was leaked in the first place. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: GHOULS
The Los Angeles County Sheriff has revealed that EIGHT of his deputies were discovered to have taken photos of the wreckage of the helicopter that crashed and killed NBA legend Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, 13, and seven others in Calabasas, California. One deputy was accused of showing off the photos at a bar in the days after the January 26 crash, two public safety sources told the Los Angeles Times. Bryant’s widow Vanessa has called for the ‘harshest discipline’ against the deputies. In response to a claim the photos showed the victims’ remains, the widow called the cops’ alleged actions ‘inexcusable and deplorable’ in a statement shared on Instagram. Sheriff Alex Villanueva said that he had ordered the images deleted because the effect would have been ‘unconscionable’ to grieving family members. However, Villanueva also said that his officers did not break any rules. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS HAS GONE ROGUE
Philadelphia, PA — Philadelphia police say a man is behind bars after stealing a ambulance and leading police on a chase that lasted over an hour. According to police, the incident happened just after 9 p.m. Friday when medics were called to a domestic dispute along Roosevelt Boulevard. Authorities say the man they encountered, later identified as say 42-year-old Mark Giwerowski, was shirtless and wearing boxer shorts. During the investigation, police say Giwerowski became combative, got inside the ambulance and took off. Authorities say one of the officers at the scene fired his gun and struck Giwerowski three times, but he kept driving. Police say he hit several patrol cars and a tow truck. “During that time we know he struck at least two other police vehicles, but we believe his actions caused an accident of a civilian vehicle,” says Philadelphia police Capt. Sekou Kinebrew. “(We’re) not sure if he struck that vehicle, but we know that he caused it.” Read More
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