ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: NOT A GRIFTER… SURE YOU’RE NOT.
Former candidate Austin Searle claims that he wasn’t grifting for money when he attempted to oppose Sen. Mike Lee. He claims that simply forgot to file to run.
Boner Candidate #2: SO HOW DOES THIS WORK LEGALLY?
Rep. Mary Elizabeth is copying Texas’s system of extreme anti-abortion legislation which would prosecute woman for leaving the state to seek an abortion in other states.
Boner Candidate #3: HOW ELSE YOU GONNA KEEP ‘EM IN LINE?
Three woman from New Jersey forced a 9 year old girl to wear a shock collar to punish her if she was “bad.” They would also deprived her of food and clothing.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: THE FOREIGN POLICY GENIOUS OF OUR ‘FORMER’ PRESIDENT.
Donald Trump’s unmatched ability to make ignore actual problems was exemplified on the “Full Send” podcast after he turned a question about Ukraine into a rant about windmills and green energy.
Boner Candidate #2: BUDDY BOEHEIM AND THE CHEAP SHOT GUT PUNCH
Syracuse’s own basketball star Buddy Boeheim managed to get away with a gut-punch on opposing player Wyatt Wilkes during a game.
Boner Candidate #3: BANKING WHILE BLACK.
The director for “Black Panther” Ryan Coolger was mistake for a bank robber after he handed the cashier a note which said: “I would like to withdraw $12,000 cash from my checking account. Please do the money count somewhere else. I’d like to be discreet.”
