Boners

Boner of the Day for May 31st, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: IT’S AGAINST POLICY TO BRING A GUN TO A HATCHET FIGHT

A clerk at a Plaid Pantry convenience store has been fired after he foiled a robbery attempt by pulling out a gun and displaying it to a hatchet-wielding suspect on April 28. Plaid Pantry says it has a policy stating no weapons are allowed in the store. Since the clerk was armed while on the job, he was fired. The business says it invests in security equipment and in training its employees for robbery deterrence and violence prevention. “All employees are trained in these procedures and receive ongoing refresher training. In the event a robbery does occur, the focus shifts entirely to non-resistance, cooperation, and violence avoidance for the safety of our employees and customers,” Plaid Pantry said in a statement. Plaid Pantry advises its employees to cooperate with robbery suspects and not resist them. In the April 28 incident, the robbery suspect entered the store and pulled a 12-inch hatchet from his pants at the counter. The clerk pulled out the gun and called 911 while the suspect placed the hatchet on the counter, knelt on the ground and said, “I’m sorry. I’ll leave.” Deputies say the suspect then ran abruptly from the store.

Candidate #2: FREEDOM GAS WILL SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE WORLD

Two officials with the U.S. Department of Energy labeled America’s natural gas to match the country’s reputation for freedom in a press release this week. Its new name? “Freedom gas.” The announcement on Tuesday shared the department’s approval of additional exports of liquified natural gas produced by a Freeport LNG facility on Quintana Island, Texas.  “Increasing export capacity from the Freeport LNG project is critical to spreading freedom gas throughout the world by giving America’s allies a diverse and affordable source of clean energy,” said Mark W. Menezes, the under secretary of energy.

Read More

Candidate #3: NO NO NO!

A retailer is turning heads online — and hoping to turn heads on the beach — with an unusual new garment: the “Jeado,” blue jean swim briefs for men. The swimsuit, available from online retailer Shinesy, is designed to resemble a drastically cut-down pair of jeans. The website acknowledges the $39.99 garment might not be to everyone’s aesthetic tastes. “It is like eating a bag of chips in church. Everyone looks over at you with disgust, but deep down they want some, too,” the product description reads. The website also offers a faux-denim one-piece swimsuit for women that resembles a pair of overalls sans pant-legs.

Read More

Round 2

Candidate #1: LYING LIES AND THE LIARS WHO TELL THEM

Thomas B. Hofeller achieved near-mythic status in the Republican Party as the Michelangelo of gerrymandering, the architect of partisan political maps that cemented the party’s dominance across the country. But after he died last summer, his estranged daughter discovered hard drives in her father’s home that revealed something else: Mr. Hofeller had played a crucial role in the Trump administration’s decision to add a citizenship question to the 2020 census. Files on those drives showed that he wrote a study in 2015 concluding that adding a citizenship question to the census would allow Republicans to draft even more extreme gerrymandered maps to stymie Democrats. And months after urging President Trump’s transition team to tack the question onto the census, he wrote the key portion of a draft Justice Department letter claiming the question was needed to enforce the 1965 Voting Rights Act — the rationale the administration later used to justify its decision.

Read More

Candidate #2: IT’S A BONER, I GUESS…BUT PRETTY FUNNY.

A mom from Benton, Illinois, hilariously discovered the shirt she ordered for her 3-year-old daughter from a Chinese retailer came with an additional design element that wasn’t originally advertised on its site. Kelsey Dawn Williamson, 23, told BuzzFeed News she’s profoundly confused and has not stopped laughing since she received the T-shirt order from AliExpress, an online, Etsy-like retailer based in Hangzhou, China, that hosts small businesses. On May 10, Williamson placed an order for this shirt, which features an iconic image of classic children’s book characters Frog and Toad, for her daughter Salem.

Read More

Candidate #3: SURE THEY WERE YOUNG BUT WE PAID THEM.

A Spanish Fork retail company had to pay more than $84,000 in penalties after violating child labor law provisions and terminating the employee who called the department of labor.
According to the U.S. Department of Labor, Legg-A-Licious had to pay back wages, liquidated damages and penalties for violating the Fair Labor Standards Act at the Spanish Fork warehouse. Michaele Garcia is the whistleblower that contacted the Department of Labor. “I witnessed a lot of things that made me uncomfortable,” Garcia said.
She’s a former Legg-A-Licious employee who contacted the department when she realized her boss was employing underage children. “I created an emergency contact form and that’s how I realized we had 13-year-olds on staff,” Garcia said. She says she was fired soon after.

Read More


Subscribe to X96's News!

Get the latest music news, contests and flyaways, and more straight to your inbox with our weekly emails.

* indicates required
Comments
To Top