ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: WOULD YOU PLEASE PULL YOUR LEGS BACK INTO THE CELL.
A woman in a Florida jail attempted to escape using a MacGyver-like plan. She tried to use a wire from her bra to damage the cell bars but to no avail.
Boner Candidate #2: THE VERY BEST TIME TO STEAL STUFF.
A group of fourteen thieves stole roughly $100,000 worth of Louis Vuitton merchandise while the security guard was gone for just a moment.
Boner Candidate #3: BY THIS MARK SHALL YE KNOW YOUR HUSBAND IS A CHEATER
An Arizona mother discovered that her former husband cheated on her by identifying a rare birthmark on her best friend’s baby that could only have come from the former husband. The man is accused of cheating on her with 30 other women.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: WELL, THAT’S GONNA PUT YOU OFF YOUR FEED FOR A WHILE.
A video shared on Twitter showed a McDonald’s with maggots falling from the ceiling, even into people’s food.
Boner Candidate #2: JUST… NO.
Kid Rock expressed his issues with ‘woke-ness’ and cancel culture into a song called “Don’t Tell Me How to Live.” It even has a music video.
Boner Candidate #3: COVID… FINALLY.
Utah House Majority Leader Mike Schultz, R-Hooper is stressing that he’s not anti-vaccine after coming down with a case of Covid-19 while being unvaccinated. He said that ”I’ve been exposed and tried multiple times to get COVID. My wife had it a year ago, and I tried to get it from her so I could get it over with before last year’s session,”
