Boners

Boner of the Day for November 25, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: I THOUGHT IT WAS CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

They’re trying to find the winner — but were shown No. 2. Election observers in Wisconsin were given wristbands featuring smiling poop emojis to watch ballot recounts on Tuesday. Observers in the Wisconsin Center in downtown Milwaukee are given the bands each day to show they’ve passed a health screening, according to the paper, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported. On some previous days, they had featured the word “VIP.” But Tuesday’s cheeky decal caused a stink. “A recount volunteer says she and others were forced to wear these bracelets to participate in recount,” tweeted Vicki McKenna, a local conservative radio talk show host. “Staff, attorneys and volunteers all wearing them. Do these people NOT take elections seriously?” A spokesman for the Wisconsin Elections Commission told The Post neither it nor the Milwaukee County Election Commission had a role in selecting the wristbands. “My understanding is that the Wisconsin Center used whatever wristbands they had in their inventory,” Reid Magney said. “Each day they use a different wristband.”

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Boner Candidate #2: WE DON’T NEED A TRIAL. RICKY KNOWS THAT KYLE IS INNOCENT.

“Silver Spoons” actor Ricky Schroder on Tuesday defended his role in getting Kenosha, Wisconsin, killer Kyle Rittenhouse freed on a $2 million bond, saying he was “infuriated” when he saw the teenager being vilified in the press. Schroder, an avid supporter of gun ownership and 30-year NRA member, said during an exclusive telephone interview with The Post that he’s putting up “hundreds of thousands” of dollars for the bond and the 17-year-old’s legal defense as he awaits trial on murder charges in the deaths of two protesters and the wounding of a third on Aug. 25. “It made me mad,” Schroder said. “This boy is innocent and he will be proven innocent. I did what any father should’ve done, and that’s get a kid out of jail that doesn’t deserve to be there.”

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Boner Candidate #3: DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF BALLS.

Perth, AUSTRALIA — Here’s one more reason too much candy can be bad for you. A Perth, Australia, court has convicted a man for driving under the influence … of rum balls. Tommy Keefe had started eating the treats at a friend’s birthday party and was snacking on them on the drive home when he was pulled over and given a breathalyzer test, News.com.au reported. He registered a .038 blood alcohol content, which was above the legal limit of .02 for recently licensed drivers, like Keefe. He said he hadn’t realized how potent the candies were. “I was still eating them, very confident that I was going to pass. Turns out, I didn’t.” The 44-year-old father of six pleaded guilty and was given the reduced sentence of a three-month license suspension and minimum fine for the August infraction. “I’m very thankful to the judge for doing that,” he said. Perth doctor Joe Kosterich told Nine News that a follow-up blood test may have registered under the legal limit.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: YOU’RE NOMINATED FOR BURYING THE LEAD.

A supporter of President Donald Trump was charged with misdemeanor assault on Sunday in Loudon County, Virginia, for allegedly breathing heavily on protesters outside Trump National Golf Club. “Please help,” Kathy Beynett wrote in Saturday a tweet that went viral, showing a video of a man — identified by the Loudon County Sheriff’s Office as Raymond Deskins — coming toward her without a face covering as she said “get away from me” and “you don’t have a mask.” It is unclear what exactly happened before the video was recorded. Deskins, 61, then inhales and exhales deeply and blows his breath toward the protesters. In the video he can be seen wearing an inflatable flotation device around his waist in the shape of Trump. “He crossed street to assault 2 senior citizens,” Beynett, 67, wrote in her tweet. “Want to identify n case contact tracing becomes necessary.think name Ray. Virginia res. Drives Cadillac. Occurred trump golf.” She refers to Deskins in later tweets as “the Covid monster.”

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Boner Candidate #2: HOT DOCTOR WANTS TO PAR-TAY!

‘Hot Doctor’ Mikhail Varshavski has come under withering fire from his millions of followers after pictures of him ignoring his own advice by partying maskless on his birthday emerged. Varshavski — who has found Internet fame as Dr. Mike — has been in the vanguard of stressing the importance of wearing a mask to stop the spread of Covid-19. But he appeared to break all his own rules when it came to his 31st birthday party, for which he flew from New York to Miami on November 12 to celebrate. A picture of Varshavski on a boat in Sunset Harbor surrounded by 14 other people — most of them bikini-clad women — has since done the rounds with his fans calling him out for hypocrisy. ‘I know it’s your life and you can do what you want, but you have chosen to be a public figure. And because of that, and your profession, you are held to a higher standard,’ one follower, calling themselves Irisheyez wrote on Reddit. ‘You are supposed to be the example. I admired and respected you. Now that is all lost.’

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Boner Candidate #3: A PROFESSOR YOU SAY? A MAN OF LEARNING?

A Michigan professor has been placed on leave after he referred to the COVID-19 pandemic as a “leftist” stunt, and posted other messages online that Twitter deemed racist, anti-Semitic and homophobic. Ferris State University physical science professor Thomas Brennan defended the posts in which he used racist slurs and claimed the health crisis was intended to create “a leftist new world order,” news station WZZM reported. “I just have to speak out, to try to speak my conscience. I can’t be silent and watch this happen,” Brennan told the news station. In tweets first reported by the student newspaper The Torch, Brennan claimed the virus was actually a “stunt.” “Guess what your covid stunt has failed. You won’t get your leftist new order,” Brennan wrote, The Torch reported. In other tweets, Brennan referred to the Holocaust as a “Zionist eugenics program.” “They killed the old and weak Jews, and sent the young and strong ones to Israel. And then they blamed it on everyone else,” he wrote on Twitter. Brennan also used a racial slur to argue that “nobody who wants to vote for Joe Biden imagines anything at this point.”

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