ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: MAYBE HE’LL SHOW UP AT THE CONCERT LATER ON.
Qanon believers recently gathered at Dealey Plaza and surrounded the spot where JFK was assassinated because they thought the very dead JFK Jr. was going to make an appearance.
Boner Candidate #2: IT MAKES ME FEEL SEXY.
A Scottish woman says she breastfeeds her boyfriend because it makes her feel “sexier and more womanly”.
Boner Candidate #3: THAT LOOKS LIKE MY DOG BUT YOU ALL ARE USING TOO MUCH WATER.
A man in Ogden has been charged with causing a catastrophe after he spiked his neighbors tires because he thought they were using too much water. Security cameras caught him committing the crime while he was walking his dog.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: VILE BEHAVIOR AT THE HOCKEY.
During a hockey game between two Pittsburgh High Schools, students started yelling sexually explicit chants at one of the opposing teams’ players.
Boner Candidate #2: IF WE HAD TREATED HER THE BILL WOULD BE EVEN HIGHER.
After waiting in the ER for seven hours to be seen for a head injury, a woman in Atlanta was charged $700 although she was never actually seen.
Boner Candidate #3: DUMBEST TOURIST EVER.
A tourist on a safari in Tanzania was filmed opening a window and petting a lion that was standing outside the safari truck.
