Boners

Boner of the Day for October 15th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: WADDA YA MEAN….CONTACT TRACER?

With record-high coronavirus caseloads, Utah’s contact tracers are getting overwhelmed — and a Salt Lake County epidemiologist says that infected patients are increasingly refusing to participate, in part out of protest against what they believe is a manufactured threat. “Some people are still very much convinced this is a conspiracy theory, that it is not a thing. And so they won’t cooperate,” said Annie George, an epidemiologist with Salt Lake County. At the beginning of the pandemic, patients often were reluctant to disclose people they were in contact with because they were sheepish that they hadn’t strictly followed social distancing recommendations. “How some people view it is that they should be ashamed that they contracted the virus,” George said. “That’s not the case at all. We’re not calling to reprimand you. We’re not putting the blame on you. We’re just trying to get information to figure out how we can help stop this from infecting others.”
But now that businesses and schools have largely reopened, contact tracers are encountering more deliberate resistance — comparable to a push among some Utahns to discourage COVID-19 testing out of resistance against public health restrictions. That’s something George said she’s encountered, too. “We’ve had parents that won’t allow their kids to be tested,” George said. “We’ve had school administrators as well as coaches … that have told kids not to get tested so that they can continue to play.”

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Boner Candidate #2: WATCH YOUR STEP LINDSEY

During Tuesday’s Supreme Court confirmation hearing, Sen. Lindsey Graham said “good old days of segregation” in a question to nominee Amy Comey Barrett when discussing a landmark 1954 high court ruling. On Wednesday, Graham claimed the comment was made in sarcasm. “If anybody was listening to who I am and what I said, you know that it was the deep sarcasm that I suggested that some legislative body would want to yearn for the good old days of segregation,” Graham said on Wednesday. “The point that I’m trying to make is there is nobody in America in the legislative arena, wanting to take us back to that dark period in American history.” During Tuesday’s questioning, Graham asked, “And one of the reasons you can say with confidence that you think Brown versus Board of Education is super precedent is that you’re not aware of any effort to go back to the good old days of segregation by a legislative body, is that correct?” Graham is an unexpectedly tight race against Democrat Jamie Harrison for his seat in South Carolina. Harrison fired back at the senator. “Lindsay Graham just called segregation ‘the good old days,’” Harrison tweeted. “The good old days for who, Senator? It’s 2020, not 1920. Act like it.”

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Boner Candidate #3: THANKS FOR CARING

She claims her landlord used her mental health issues as an excuse to terminate her lease. The young woman who is sharing her story on the condition of anonymity said she told her three roommates about her depression and suicidal thoughts. Those roommates told apartment complex management about that conversation. Tuesday, she was notified in a letter that she must be moved out by next Monday. “I was completely shocked. I was crying and shaking and immediately trying to pack,” she said. “It’s so morally wrong for them to be doing this to someone who’s been having such a hard time.” The letter she received never uses the word “eviction.” It states, “we have been made aware that you have vocalized suicidal tendencies which has caused undue stress and alarm to your roommates and violated part E and F of #7 in your lease.” Those sections state the complex can terminate the lease if a tenant breaches “the quiet enjoyment of the premises” or causes “any nuisance, health or safety hazard.” “The thing that upsets me most about this is that they decided evicting someone who was already having a hard time would make it easier on them,” she described to FOX13. Several attempts to reach the management of the property for comment were unsuccessful. Now, the college student is living with other friends while she looks for a permanent place to live. She also feels alone as she battles depression. “In normal circumstances I will still be open about what I am going through. But, if it’s going to cost me where I am living – it’s going to cost me the security of having a home — then I shouldn’t be saying anything,” she said.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: MAYBE JUST MAKE YOUR DAMNED BBQ BETTER

Investigators charge that Daniel Ahrens, 60, jumped atop the male victim and struck him several times while outside a residence in Largo, a city in the Tampa Bay area. Ahrens, seen at right, was arrested for battery and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody early this morning after posting $500 bond on the misdemeanor charge. According to an arrest affidavit, the confrontation Tuesday evening began when the victim, whose name has been redacted by police, arrived at the Largo home. The 25-year-old victim is the son of Ahrens’s girlfriend. The victim, cops reported, sought to speak with his mother about “threatening” communications sent to him by Ahrens. In addition to texts, Ahrens allegedly called the man “several times in regards to ‘wanting to beat his ass’ about a ‘restaurant review.’” A pair of brutal Yelp reviews published Monday disparaged the food at Georgia Boy’s Bar B-Que, the restaurant owned by Ahrens. Reviewer “Sean R.” claimed that he “wouldn’t even feed it to my dog,” adding that the eatery’s owner “should spend less time threatening customers and more time on learning to cook properly.” The second review, authored by “Rick R.,” declared that it was “not a great idea to threaten your customers, due to you serving garbage BBQ.”

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Boner Candidate #2: LET’S HAVE THE BIGGEST PARTY 2020 HAS SEEN SO FAR

SALT LAKE CITY — A group called Utah Tonight is vowing to host the largest party of the year this Halloween. The group’s public Instagram page appears to be new, as it’s first visible post is from late September about the party. The event is described on the website as: “A massive, outdoor costume party (protest) being held on private property for the purpose of promoting mental health and to raise a voice against those who are using fear and misleading information to gain power and control in our lives. Life must go on. COVID-19 is real, but it shouldn’t be the end of normalcy!” The event’s page also promises to keep attendees’ identities private. “If you purchase a ticket to this event, your personal information will remain confidential. We will not release photos of faces until it makes sense to do so,” the website states. The event has been gaining popularity, through both the Utah Tonight Instagram page and through the event group The Tribe Utah, who claims to not be involved in the event, yet is promoting the event including posting about a photoshoot for the event. Fox13 News reached out to both organizations through social media and email but did not hear back for comment. The event comes as Utah deals with its highest Covid-19 case counts yet.

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Boner Candidate #3: MY DOCTOR, DR. PERSON FAKENAME, SAID HERD IMMUNITY IS THE GOAL.

A widely-circulated open letter calling on governments to pursue herd immunity is counting homeopaths, therapists and fake names among its “medical” signatories, leading to accusations that it falsely represents scientific support for the controversial position. The Great Barrington Declaration, a letter organised by prominent advocates of herd immunity, claims to have been signed by more than 15,000 scientists and medical practitioners, as well as more than 150,000 members of the general public. Yet Sky News found dozens of fake names on the list of medical signatories, which anyone can add to if they tick a box and enter a name. These included Dr. I.P. Freely, Dr. Person Fakename and Dr. Johnny Bananas, who listed himself as a “Dr of Hard Sums”.

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