ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I’VE HAD IT WITH THE SWISS WITH THEIR KNIVES AND WATCHES AND YODELING AND ALL.
Like archery and wrestling, yodelling is a core element of Swiss national identity. The coronavirus pandemic has not deterred the Swiss from sending yodels echoing across their mountain valleys, but a concert attended by 600 people is believed to have made one canton a European virus hotspot. At the late September yodelling event in the rural Schwyz canton, people in the audience were asked to maintain social distancing, but mask-wearing was not required. “We can’t do anything about what happened with this yodelling group. We found out nine days after the performances that several people from the group were infected,” event organiser Beat Hegner told RTS public television.
Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS JUST A LITTLE SCROTUM VIDEO AND IT’S ONLY TOOELE
When Utahns go to vote, they’ll start with the presidential race, the governor’s election and then local contests. After that is a long list asking the same question: Should a certain judge keep his or her job? For most voters, it’s hard to tell which judges are worthy of their retention vote and which ones are not. That’s why Utah formed a group of experts, called the Utah Judicial Performance Evaluation Commission (JPEC), to give the public recommendations. This year, just about every judge got a unanimous vote of approval. One judge, however, didn’t score as well. The reason for that was a disciplinary action taken against Tooele Justice Court Judge John Dow last fall after he shared a video of a man’s scrotum in a group text with people who work for him.
Boner Candidate #3: A BRAZILIAN AND BUTT MONEY
Brazilian senator caught hiding money ‘between buttocks’
A Brazilian senator allied to far-right President Jair Bolsonaro was caught hiding money in his underwear during a police investigation into the diversion of public funds for fighting the coronavirus, local media reported on Thursday. Chico Rodrigues as part of a corruption probe, and found 30,000 reales ($5,300) in cash, part of which was discovered in Rodrigues’s underwear. Federal officers raided the home of Chico Rodrigues in the northern state of Roraima on Wednesday as part of a corruption probe.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: I GOTTA GO TO HAWAII FOR DAD’S FUNERAL
SALT LAKE CITY — The Utah Attorney General Debate will be hosted by the Utah Debate Commission Oct. 21, almost three weeks after it was originally scheduled for. Attorney General Sean Reyes ( R) requested the date of the debate be changed, Wayne Niederhauser, Utah Debate Commission Co-Chair, said.“We had a request to change the date. We don’t change dates, only in extreme circumstances. One of them is death of a family member,” he said. In a statement to FOX13 News, Alan Crooks, general consultant for the Reyes campaign, said the Utah Debate Commission picked Oct. 1 without asking if the date would work for either candidate.
Boner Candidate #2: ALL RIGHT BERLINERS; WHICH FINGER WAS IT?
A recent series of advertisements launched by the city of Berlin’s tourism department has ruffled a few feathers — and critics are pointing the finger at one ad, in particular. “The raised index finger for all those without a mask,” reads the ad, which also features an image of a woman brandishing her middle finger. “We obey the corona rules.” In response, Visit Berlin has reportedly pulled the ad from its larger “Berlin Gegen Corona” (“Berlin Against Corona”) campaign currently appearing across the city. Visit Berlin, the official tourism website of Germany’s capital city, had released the campaign in September along with a series of public service announcements aimed at encouraging tourists and locals to wear masks amid the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. The campaign’s message, which has also been approved by the Senate Department for Economics, Energy and Public Enterprises, also specifically targeted restaurateurs and bar owners, who are currently subject to a number of coronavirus regulations regarding capacity, spacing and hours of operation.
Boner Candidate #3: THE PEEING PASTOR ON THE PLANE
Detroit, MI – A well-known pastor from North Carolina is accused of relieving himself on a sleeping woman in the backseat of a Delta plane as she returned to Detroit from Las Vegas. Alicia Beverly had just spent a great time in Vegas and could not wait to get home Monday night. They were on the red-eye flight and pretty much everyone was asleep, including her. Alicia said she was curled up in a back seat next to her sister when suddenly she woke up to the feeling of being urinated on.
“It felt warm, like on the side of me I felt something warm,” she said. In her sleepy haze, right at eye level, she saw something very unexpected. “I jump up and I seen his private area out and I screamed and that woke everybody up,” Alicia said. “By that time I actually looked at him and I see him shake himself off and I’m like this man just peed on me! I looked and there was a puddle of pee in the seats!”
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