ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I’LL NEED SOME EXTRA BAGS
Unified Police are asking for the public’s help in capturing a man accused of stealing coats worth thousands of dollars from the REI store in Millcreek. According to UPD, the suspect made a small purchase and asked a cashier for extra bags, then went back into the store and filled the bags with “high end coats.” “The suspect then walked out of the store with the bags full of coats holding the receipt,” UPD said in a Facebook post. Police said the stolen coats are worth $14,000.
Boner Candidate #2: THIS PROTEST IS PROBABLY NOT THE BEST USE OF YOUR TIME
SALT LAKE CITY — Some Utahns opposed to the Utah Department of Health’s mask requirements have turned their scorn from Gov. Gary Herbert to a new target this week — state epidemiologist Dr. Angela Dunn. But protesters who gathered at Dunn’s Salt Lake home in an Avenues neighborhood were met by neighbors who were determined to make any gathering difficult and uncomfortable. They called police, hung signs of support for Dunn and confronted protesters as to what they hoped to accomplish by protesting a civil servant who doesn’t have the power to institute or repeal mask mandates. “All the neighbors on the street have been talking with each other,” said Laura Hopkins, who walked past the dozen protesters standing across the street from Dunn’s house for a second protest Thursday evening.
Boner Candidate #3: WELL, I GUESS HE GOT WHAT HE PAID FOR.
A 50-year-old man has filed a lawsuit after wildlife officials say he was mauled by a captive black leopard in a backyard animal sanctuary in South Florida. Dwight Turner paid $150 for a “full contact experience” with the black leopard, which allowed him to “play with it, rub its belly and take pictures,” WPLG reported. A report by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission says the incident happened Aug. 31 in Davie, which is near Fort Lauderdale. The agency charged the owner with allowing full contact with an extremely dangerous animal and was cited for maintaining captive wildlife in an unsafe condition.WPLG reports that Turner is now suing the owners and operators of the animal sanctuary.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: NOW THERE’S SOME HANKY PANKY
A local judge and head of Duval County’s vote-counting board has donated repeatedly to President Trump’s re-election campaign and other Republican efforts, and his home is covered in signs supporting Trump, despite rules requiring judges like him refrain from donations or public support. Duval County senior Judge Brent Shore has served as chairman of the canvassing board because of his role as a county judge. Yet judicial rules bar judges from political donations of any kind. And canvassing board rules bar members from “displaying a candidate’s campaign signs.”
Boner Candidate #2: SON, WE DON’T CARE FOR THE WAY YOU ARE WEARING THEM SHOES.
Dress codes have always been a form of underhanded racism (word to Allen Iverson), but a sushi restaurant in Georgia made things a little more obvious when it allegedly kicked a man out of the establishment for wearing sneakers. On Wednesday, footage appeared on social media showing an Atlanta man being kicked out of Umi Sushi in Buckhead for wearing all-white Air Force Ones. As expected, the man was confused by the motive as there were other people in the establishment wearing sneakers. He pointed to a white woman who was wearing a pair of Adidas. The man’s wife, Kaylan Colbert, told the local Fox affiliate that the couple was at the restaurant for a quiet birthday dinner and was already seated when asked to leave.
Boner Candidate #3: LIES LIES AND MORE LIES
Donald Trump, Jr., appeared on The Ingraham Angle Thursday night where he made a wildly incorrect claim about coronavirus deaths in the United States. While blasting Minnesota Governor Tim Walz and Attorney General Keith Ellison for capping attendance at President Trump’s upcoming Minnesota rally at 250 people, which is in line with the state’s COVID-19 guidelines, the president’s son claimed that deaths in the U.S. due to COVID-19 are down to almost nothing. “If you look — I put it up on my Instagram a couple days ago ‘cause I went through the CDC data because I kept hearing about new infections,” Don, Jr., said. “But I was like ‘Why aren’t they talking about deaths? Oh, oh, because the number is almost nothing.’”
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