Boners

Boner of the Day for September 10, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: YA GOT THAT MEGHAN?

Meghan McCain’s attempt to scold a former friend of Melania Trump for writing a tell-all book about the first lady probably didn’t go as she intended.
That’s because Stephanie Winston Wolkoff came prepared to shut down McCain’s “gotcha” questions. When Winston Wolkoff appeared on “The View” Wednesday to discuss her new book, “Melania and Me: The Rise and Fall of My Friendship With the First Lady,” McCain immediately accused her of being unethical in her dealings with her former friend. “You recently revealed you secretly recorded your conversations with Melania,” McCain said before adding, “I don’t like tell-all books like this. I think they’re in bad taste, and generally, I think secretly recording your friend and selling [the] contents for profit certainly ups the ante, and seems not only unethical but just gross.” McCain also questioned Winston Wolkoff’s motives for publishing her book. “The first lady’s office says you’re, quote, just out for revenge. … Can you honestly just sit here and tell me that’s not true?” Winston Wolkoff thanked McCain for the question, saying it gave her the opportunity to clear up misconceptions about her motives. “I did not write this book for money; I did not take any advance for this,” she said. “This was for me to be able to tell the true story and not be anonymous anymore. I’m on the record.”

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Boner Candidate #2: WHY NOT BROTHERS AND SISTERS?

Last month, Italian Bishop Domenico Pompili revealed that Pope Francis is preparing a new papal encyclical — the third of his papacy and his first in five years — to focus on the economic, environmental and spiritual change that is necessary to address today’s modern challenges. To be released Oct. 3, the vigil of the feast of St. Francis Assisi, the encyclical will be titled “Fratelli tutti” in Italian or, strictly translated, “Brothers all.” Hopefully, the official English translation of “Fratelli tutti” will be “Brothers and sisters all,” but it is sad to see the church continue to suffer from self-inflicted wounds. It would have been so easy to have titled the encyclical “Fratelli e sorelle tutti.” The concern about language in the title will increase the focus on the language of the entire encyclical. The response from the Vatican will be that “fratelli” in Italian is inclusive. Sure. That’s what we said about “brothers” and “men” in English. Couldn’t the church get ahead of the curve for once? “Italian (and Argentine) culture has not gotten to the point where patriarchal language is offensive and unacceptable,” acknowledges Lisa Cahill, professor of theology at Boston College.
But, she notes, “The gender inclusion issue cannot be explained away via grammatical rules, which was the rationalization of English exclusive language back in the day, and not that far back.
“Technically ‘man’ and ‘he/his’ were inclusive, but they bias the imagination toward men as the primary, if not exclusive, referents, which is why they have fallen out of use as cultures become more gender-equal.”

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Boner Candidate #3: MANY LOVE THEM AS IF THEY WERE MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY

An enterprising Japanese artist is catering to heartsick kinksters by holding memorial services for sex dolls that have outlived their use. Many “love them [sex dolls] as if they were human members of their family,” according to Leiya Arata, the 30-something founder of the Love Doll Funeral services in Osaka. For roughly $800, customers can have their synthetic sweethearts placed in caskets, swaddled in burial attire and adorned with garlands, reports the Daily Mail. Presiding over the mannequin memorials is transgender porn actress-turned-Buddhist monk, Lay Kato, who Arata describes as the foremost authority on “sex, dolls and their owners.” No one “offers an appropriate ceremony better than her,” according to Arata. In fact, the funeral — complete with candles, undertakers and even “mourning” sex dolls — is so authentic that passers-by have called the police after mistaking the dolls for cadavers. Naturally, some might balk at the idea of interring inanimate objects. However, the unconventional visionary started Love Doll Funeral because she felt “there was a real need.” “Many owners do not want them to be shredded as garbage,” said Arata, adding that many “action figure” trustees fear being shamed for discarding dolls in the dumpster where they could be discovered. Along with throwing burials for dummies, the porn fantasy purveyor also dresses people as corpses for photo shoots while men can cosplay as female corpses for pretend funerals.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: I’M CHARLES MANSON’S DAUGHTER, KAREN…KAREN MANSON

A “Karen’’ went ballistic over her burrito order at a Taco Bell in Missouri, calling workers the n-word — and threatening them while claiming to be “Charles Manson’s daughter,’’ according to reports. The woman was caught on cellphone video claiming she’d been overcharged for her “three burritos and two tacos’’ — and launching into a violent, profanity-filled, now-viral tirade as the fast-food joint’s employees tried to calmly explain her bill was correct, shows video posted to Reddit. “I’m gonna f- -k you up, n—-r,’’ she told one worker, who is apparently not black. “Not good enough for a real job?” the white woman sneered, while a young boy, who was not with her, is seen at one point nervously sitting at a table in the foreground. The out-of-control customer then grabs things off the counter and chucks them on the floor and at the workers before stalking off, threatening, “You’re going down, son of a bitch, personally. You f–ked with the wrong motherf—-r. “I’m Charlie f–king Manson’s daughter,’’ she said — referring to the late infamous hippie psychopath behind the slaughter of pregnant actress Sharon Tate and four others in the Hollywood Hills in August 1969.

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Boner Candidate #2: JERRY HANG UP THE GD PHONE!

An interview with Jerry Falwell Jr. ended up getting brought to a grinding halt after the former Liberty University president’s wife interrupted him to cut off the whole thing. Falwell was contacted by Reuters for his response to renewed allegations against him from Michael Cohen’s autobiography: Disloyal: A Memoir. This comes shortly after Falwell was forced out of his Liberty University leadership roles amid multiple personal scandals that also involved his wife, Becki Falwell. In his book, Cohen offers numerous unflattering accounts about Donald Trump from when he used to serve as the president’s personal lawyer. One part of the memoir suggests Cohen got the Falwells to endorse Trump during the 2016 election in exchange for helping them prevent a collection of their explicit photos from going public. Reuters flagged Cohen’s claim since it corroborates their previous reporting on the Falwells, and according to his book, Cohen planned to suppress the photos with a “catch and kill” scheme, the same tactic he used to try and cover up Trump’s extramarital affairs. “In good time, I would call in this favor, not for me, but for the Boss, at a crucial moment on his journey to the presidency,” Cohen says. Cohen denied that the photos were connected to him asking the Falwells to back Trump during the election, and Mr. Falwell made a similar denial when reached for his response. “Someone stole some pictures I took of my wife in the back yard. Topless. Big deal. OK?” Falwell said. “It was no quid pro quo. There was no me supporting Trump because of whatever Michael was doing.” The conversation didn’t go much further than that though, because apparently, this happened: Toward the end of the call, Becki Falwell, who has not commented on the Cohen book or the photographs, could be heard urging her husband to cut short the conversation with Reuters. “Hang up the goddamn phone,” she told her husband. “Hang up the phone, Jerry!”

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Boner Candidate #3: YEAH. WE ALL DO STUPID THINGS WHEN WE’RE YOUNG…LIKE KILLING PEOPLE.

In an interview promoting his new book, Donald Trump Jr was asked why the administration had not condemned 17-year-old Kyle Rittenhouse murdering two people during the protests in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Claiming the White House is waiting for due process and not jumping to conclusions about the incident, Mr Trump then went on to say “We all do stupid things at 17.”
In a discussion on Fox’s Extraregarding Black Lives Matter and president Donald Trump’s visit to Wisconsin following the shooting of Jacob Blake, correspondent Rachel Lindsay asked: “Why hasn’t the Trump administration or president Trump condemned what happened in Kenosha with Kyle Rittenhouse… coming across state lines and… murdering two people and injuring another [at a protest]?” Mr Trump said, “We’re waiting for due process. We’re not jumping to a conclusion… If I put myself in Kyle Rittenhouse[‘s shoes], maybe I shouldn’t have been there. He’s a young kid. I don’t want young kids running around the streets with AR-15s… Maybe I wouldn’t have put myself in that situation — who knows? We all do stupid things at 17.”
Ms Lindsay countered: “It’s a little beyond stupid.” “Really stupid — fine. But we all have to let due process play out and let due process take its course,” said Mr Trump.

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