Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for September 16th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: WE HAD A GOOD LAUGH ABOUT THAT

A woman was forced to have surgery after she accidentally swallowed her engagement ring during a ‘very sketchy’ dream.  Jenna Evans of San Diego, thought fiance Bobby Howell’s instructions to ingest the piece of jewelry to ‘protect it’ was part of a nightmare but when she woke up the ring was gone. After she noticed a gap on the fourth finger of her left hand, she knew exactly what she had done and rushed to urgent care last Wednesday. She explained when the x-ray came back it revealed the ‘ring was right there in my stomach’ and soon after she claimed to feel it in her guts. Evans needed an upper endoscopy to retrieve the custom-made three-stoned band and after some rest was able to laugh about the incident. ‘Bobby finally gave my ring back this morning – I promised not to swallow it again, we’re still getting married and all is right in the world,’ Evans posted on Thursday. Read More 

Boner Candidate #2: KERRY YOU WON’T LIKE THIS BONER CANDIDATE.

A woman in Creve Coeur is fighting back against her neighbors to keep the three monkeys who live with her. She said they serve as emotional support, but neighbors are worried they could be dangerous. Texanne McBride-Teahan has trained and lived with monkeys for 20 years. She tells News 4 it wasn’t until about a month after she moved to her current home in Creve Coeur that a neighbor spotted one of the monkeys outside, worried about it attacking and called the city. “It’s a wild animal. They belong in zoos, you know, or in their natural habitat,” neighbor Jim Hentschell said. “Everything I hear about emotional support animals, they only speak about cats and dogs.” According to the City of Creve Coeur, a monkey is considered an “inherently dangerous animal” along with alligators, lions and pythons. Those animals are not allowed to stay in residential areas, so the city cited McBride-Teahan. During Monday’s city council meeting, McBride-Teahan defended her monkeys. “They are not dangerous animals. They are trained. They assist me. I have PTSD because of something that happened to me, a very bad thing that happened to me a long time ago,” McBride-Teahan said. McBride-Teahan is scheduled to appear in court in November. Read More 

Boner Candidate #3: YOU’LL NEED A LOT MORE THAN 15 GALLONS

Russian Orthodox priests have blessed a city they say is suffering from diseases of ‘drunkenness and fornication’ by throwing holy water out of a plane. The city of Tver, north west of Moscow, received a blessing from above on Wednesday from the patriarch of the city’s Orthodox church, the Metropolitan Sawa of Tver. Father Alexander Goryachev and two other clergymen were also present for the blessing. The amount of holy water used for the mass totalled 15 gallons. They performed the ritual to honour All Russian Sobriety Day. They also brought an icon of John the Baptist, the patron saint of alcoholics, and the ‘inexhaustible chalice,’ which is supposed to heal those suffering from addiction problems. ‘Any disease is from a virus, and a virus is a demon. Therefore, any disease is primarily a spiritual disease,’ Goryachev told the local news site Tvernews.com. It wasn’t until the plane reached 200 to 300 metres that the priests began their mass.

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: SO ARE THEY SLOWING DOWN? I CAN’T TELL

POLSON, Mont. — A grandmother in Montana is now an honorary state trooper thanks to some ingenuity and a hair dryer, KPAX reports. Patti Baumgartner said she wants cars in her neighborhood to slow down, so she took matters into her owns hands. A photo of Baumgartner sitting with her hair dryer on the side of the road went viral on social media. A mother and a grandmother, Baumgartner wants cars in her neighborhood to slow down for people’s safety. “They forget to slow down and there are a lot of people that are complaining about that they can’t walk or ride their bikes,” Baumgartner said. “We were talking about maybe something would slow the cars down. So we decided to put me in a chair and I guess use the hair dryer as a speed thing.”
Her son took the picture of her and tweeted it out to Trooper Noah Pesola with Montana Highway Patrol, hoping to catch his attention. Pesola said it did. “I thought it was hilarious. I think that we have a speed issue in Montana, and I thought it was a great creative idea for the public to try and combat that a little bit without making people too upset,” Pesola said. Pesola liked it so much he gave Baumgartner a special title.”It’s not official or anything like that for the honorary trooper, which is kinda what I called it,” Pesola said. “I didn’t know what else to do for her when she’s doing something for the community and like she says, she’s got grandkids in the area, so she’s doing something for her grandkids’ benefit. The best thing I could think of was give her a trooper hat and a badge to make her look a little more official.” Baumgartner said she can’t tell if her white hair dryer really slowed cars down, but she plans on using it again to bring awareness to speeding cars in the neighborhood. Read More 

Boner Candidate #2: PLEASE, BRING INDI BACK

The family of a man with cerebral palsy in Cache County is pleading for the safe return of their son’s companion animal after it went missing from their driveway last Thursday. At the end of a quiet country road in Avon, Utah, you’ll find the Hennessy family. “We do live out in the middle of nowhere, we have just a few neighbors,” said Desiree Hennessy as she stood on her front porch.
They have always loved their quaint neighborhood, until last Thursday. “We were all just sitting outside,” Desiree explained. “We made a comment about how there was more traffic because of the salmon spawning at Porcupine Dam. We were like, ‘Let’s run in the house,’ and we called for Indi and she was just gone.” Their dog had gone missing. “We were playing with her, we were engaged with her, and then within minutes she was gone,” Desiree said in shock.  Read More 

Boner Candidate #3: WELL I UNDERSTAND YOU DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE FAIR WITH MOM AND DAD BUT THIS ISN’T THE WAY TO AVOID IT.

A California man was arrested for allegedly making false threats against the Los Angeles County Fair just to avoid going there with his parents. Authorities said that the Los Angeles County Fair notified them that it had received an email Friday at about 3pm stating that there would be a mass shooting at the site on Sunday, according to KTLA.  The Pomona Police Department said they and the FBI immediately launched an investigation into the email, tracking it to Erik Villasenor, of Sylmar, California. Police and a tactical team arrived at his home and arrested him Friday night. Read More

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