Boners

Boner of the Day for September 17th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: YEAH, SOMEONE IS SQUATTIN’ IN THERE. IT’S ME. I LIVE THERE.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla — In the past week, police have been called out to reports of squatting at a home on Jacksonville’s Southside three times, with someone even placing a sign in the yard indicating squatters live there. But there’s one problem: the homeowner says he is living there. Jacob Plique III bought his first home on July 1. Since then, he has been living between the new home and his old condo as he moves in. But starting on the night of Sept. 7, and again the next night, police were called out to the home for complaints of squatters and a property check. At the time, Plique didn’t think much of it — until he saw the sign. “It just doesn’t add up,” he told First Coast News. The sign, pictured above, is labeled with the word “CAUTION,” and goes on to warn of supposed squatters living in Plique’s home. The non-emergency phone line for the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office is listed, and the sign is attributed to “Neighborhood Watch.” “I thought it was incredibly overbearing, very strange and a little bit insulting,” Plique said. Just days after the Sept. 8 call for service, on Sept. 13, police again responded to a call of squatters at the home. “We live in the age of the internet,” Plique said. “It is not hard to find out who owns the house and probably what they look like.”  Plique says the whole ordeal has been strange, but he wants to chalk it up to nosy neighbors or miscommunication.

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Boner Candidate #2: EVEN TWISTED SISTER’S DEE SNIDER THINKS YOU ARE A HOLES

A group of anti-maskers, many in MAGA apparel, invaded a Target in Florida this week– demanding that shoppers remove their masks while yelling “we’re not gonna take it anymore.” The video went viral on Twitter after first showing up on Reddit. The group blasted the Twisted Sister song We’re Not Gonna Take It to drive the point home, prompting band member Dee Snider to scold the anti-maskers on Twitter. They are “selfish assholes,’ said Snider of the anti-mask mob, who “do not have my permission or blessing to use my song for their moronic cause.” “Take your masks off!” one yelled while another added, “Yeah! Take it off!” “Wooo! Yes! Take it off!” another protester yelled while excitedly jumping up and down. “Look at these kids! Let them be an example,” added another who was gesturing towards a group of maskless children. “Take it off! Look at the kids!” Anti-masks “protests” have been popping up throughout the United States, despite the shocking number of coronavirus cases and deaths per day, especially in Florida — home to this particular demonstration. Florida is, in fact, home to the most coronavirus cases per capita in the United States, with over 35,000 positives per million people.

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Boner Candidate #3: HEY, I ADOPTED TWO CHINA KIDS.

Iron County Commissioner Paul Cozzens posted a meme on Facebook that suggested violence against Black Lives Matter protesters or members of Antifa would be justified in the wake of the “defund the police” movement. The online discussion began with Salt Lake County Council member Aimee Winder Newton’s Facebook thread theorizing the calls to defund the police precipitated a run on ammunition and firearms. “If people don’t believe that law enforcement will be able to protect them, they will find a way to protect their families and properties,” wrote Winder Newton. “Did you know that AR-15′s have been selling out the day they ship in for the past few months? “I believe having a police department is the best way to ensure public safety … Let’s be careful what we wish for.” In response, Cozzens posted a meme showing what appears to be a soldier with a gun in his lap with the caption, “Warning to BLM & Antifa. Once you’ve managed to defund & eliminate the police, there’s nobody protecting you from us. Remember that.” Cozzens’ post was flagged by Iron County resident Jesse Harris on Twitter, who said “An Iron County commissioner spreading his murder fantasies on Facebook like it’s no big deal.” Cozzens says he did not post the meme as a threat against Black Lives Matter or Antifa.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: WE’RE SORRY, THIS IS EMBARRASSING

he city truly nickeled and dimed her. An 89-year-old New Jersey woman who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease nearly lost her home because of a measly 6 cents she owed in back taxes. The tiny debt, which she neglected to pay on her 2019 taxes, then accrued to more than $300 in interest by last week — prompting officials in Ocean Township put Glen Kristi Goldenthal’s home up for sale on Sept. 9, NBC New York reported. “Shame on anybody who can’t think far outside the box enough to come up with six cents in an office full of people. You can’t pull a dime out of your pocket?” Goldenthal’s infuriated daughter, Lisa Suhay, told the station. Suhay only found out about the 6 cents which started the whole ordeal the day her mother’s house was put up for sale. “She’s called me dozens of times in the last 24 hours, [asking] ‘Is my house gonna be OK? Do I have to pack? Where am I gonna go, live?’” Goldenthal received at least one warning call from a tax collector but Suhay, of Virginia, says her mom is forgetful due to her condition — and that even the official who phoned could tell she needed help.

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Boner Candidate #2: THAT’LL SHOW ‘EM KANYE.

This is an act of mental illness. It’s crude, coarse, and completely inappropriate. In all these years, the Grammys have done nothing to Kanye. But he’s made a fool of himself on stage, interrupted the show, and called them names. This is the last straw. What he doesn’t realize is that plenty of his colleagues have won or been nominated for Grammys. They just acted in a civil, human way. This is crossing the line. Even for someone with bipolar condition. PS Kanye is a presidential candidate from the Birthday Party. Yes, It’s true. Hit songwriter Diane Warren responded on Twitter: “How vile and disrespectful of U. This was given to U by your peers out of respect for your work and U r literally pissing on them. I’ve won one Grammy and I’m forever grateful and humble that my peers found me worthy of it.”

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Boner Candidate #3: OUR COUNTRY IS IN DEEP TROUBLE

(CNN)Attorney General William Barr suggested on Wednesday that the calls for a nationwide lockdown to prevent the spread of the coronavirus were the “greatest intrusion on civil liberties” in history “other than slavery.” The comments came minutes after he slammed the hundreds of Justice Department prosecutors working beneath him, equating them to preschoolers, in a defense of his own politically tuned decision making in the Trump administration. Addressing a Constitution Day celebration hosted by Hillsdale College, the event’s host asked Barr to explain the “constitutional hurdles for forbidding a church from meeting during Covid-19.” The question lead Barr into a four-minute response where he said state governors were using their executive powers to stifle citizens and businesses from going back to work. “You know, putting a national lockdown, stay at home orders, is like house arrest. Other than slavery, which was a different kind of restraint, this is the greatest intrusion on civil liberties in American history,” Barr said as a round of applause came from the crowd. Covid-19 has taken a measurable toll on minorities, including Black people, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

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