Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for September 20th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: HULKLING AND WICCAN ARE IN LOVE.

The team of law-enforcement agents deployed by the mayor to “defend the family” descended on the international event and scoured the grounds for their target: copies of a comic book featuring two young men kissing. “Books like this need to be packaged in black plastic and sealed,” the mayor of Rio de Janeiro, Marcelo Crivella, said in a video posted on Twitter. The agents, he said, were ordered to seize all copies of the comic book from the city’s International Book Fair because it had “sexual content for minors.” As it turned out, the police came up empty on Thursday in their two-hour search for kissing comic characters, though they did find “lots of books,” Col. Wolney Dias, who headed the raid, told the newspaper Folha de São Paulo. The raid also kicked up lots of backlash for the mayor — from festival organizers, publishing houses, comedians and, finally, the Brazilian courts. On Friday, a judge barred Mr. Crivella from further seizure efforts or any attempt to withdraw the festival’s permit, a ruling that was partly overturned on Saturday. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: WHEN YOU HAVE FOURNIER’S GANGRENE DOWN THERE, IT’S DONE FOR.

A man’s penis rotted away after he injected it with petroleum jelly in a bid to enlarge it. The 45-year-old man, whose identity has not been revealed, visited the emergency room as he was feeling unwell and suffering itchiness on his penis for five days, according to an account published in Urology Case Reports by Dr. Amer Amin of St. Vincent’s Hospital. Amin said, on examining the man, they found that his penis was tender, had a severe build-up of fluids, and patches of visible rotting flesh. When questioned about his sexual history, the man admitted he had injected petroleum jelly, the primary component of vaseline, into his penis two years ago to increase its size. The procedure had left him with a condition known as Fournier’s gangrene, a life-threatening ‘flesh-eating bug’ that affects the genital region. It causes systemic toxicity, pain, and fevers, with prompt diagnosis and immediate debridement critical due to how rapidly it progresses if left untreated.
“Penile self-injections are performed in order to attempt to increase penile size and have been reported to cause latent pain, ulceration, and Fournier’s gangrene,” Amin wrote. “Common materials used for penile augmentation that has been described in the literature are mineral oil, petroleum jelly, nandrolone decanoate [androgen and anabolic steroids] and waxes.” Read More 

Boner Candidate #3: NICE KITTY

Officials have a warning after a Colorado Springs woman put an injured bobcat in her car, inches away from where her child was in a safety seat: Don’t pick up wildlife. Colorado Parks and Wildlife spokesman Bill Vogrin says the woman spotted the injured adult male cat while driving, wrapped it in a blanket and put it in the back of her SUV on Wednesday. A boy, about 3 years old, was in the back seat. Agency officials told her to get her boy and herself out of the vehicle when she called to ask what to do. Vogrin says District Wildlife Manager Sarah Watson responded to the call, opened a door and slammed it shut when she spotted the 20-pound (9-kilogram) cat. Watson used a trapping device to remove the animal, which was hissing and resisting despite severe internal injuries and paralyzed rear legs. The mortally injured cat was euthanized. Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I WAS LATE FOR KICKBOXING

West Valley City Police received a report that a woman covered in blood had been seen running from her car and into a local business Thursday morning. “Naturally, that’s a pretty big concern, so our officers rushed to the scene,” a Facebook post from the West Valley City Police Department said. But police were relieved to find out that the woman wasn’t rushing because she needed help – she was simply in a hurry. “Turns out, the woman had been working on a movie set and was running because she was late getting to the gym and wanted to wash off her makeup before her kickboxing class started,” the post said. Read More 

Boner Candidate #2: DRUNK ON THE JOB

A Lakeland High School teacher who flunked a breathalyzer test was taken into police custody Wednesday, according to White Lake Township police. The 44-year-old male teacher from West Bloomfield is expected to be arraigned Thursday on charges of operating while intoxicated with a high blood-alcohol content and for driving with a suspended license. Sgt. Brad Connell said the unnamed teacher became the center of a school resource officer’s investigation around 8 a.m. because administrators suspected he was intoxicated. The teacher admitted to consuming alcohol prior to driving. A test revealed the teacher’s blood-alcohol content was .354%, or more than four times the legal .08% limit.  Also, township police had a warrant for his arrest because of an Oct. 4, 2018, incident. The charges on the warrant were identical to today’s, Connell said. Police escorted the teacher from the school on Bogie Lake Road. Principal Paul Gmelin said in a notice to high school families the teacher was taken into custody for “legal issues unrelated to students.” He told parents that a shelter was in place to prevent students from witnessing the situation. The teacher will not be on campus until legal issues have been resolved to the administration’s satisfaction. “I cannot share any additional information at this time,” Gmelin wrote.
No other information was available. Read More 

Boner Candidate #3: I’M NOT IN LOVE ANYMORE

Authorities cited a 19-year-old Lincoln woman for negligent burning after she reportedly started her apartment on fire while burning love letters from an ex. Police said 19-year-old Ariauna Lillard was using a butane torch to burn the love letters when she put some of them on the floor and went to another room to take a nap. A few minutes later, police say she woke up to find smoke in her apartment. Firefighters arrived at the complex near 46th and Meredith around 4:30 p.m. Monday and put the fire out. The flames caused an estimated $4,000 in damage. Read More

 

 


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