Boners

Boner of the Day for September 25th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: NO DUE PROCESS! (PAY YOUR TAXES!)

(KUTV) — A man in Cedar Hills, Utah refused to vacate his home after it was seized by the federal government due to his $1 million tax delinquency, sheriffs officials report. Paul Kenneth Cromar was arrested away from the home in a separate incident, but other individuals were squatting at the house, said Sgt. Spencer Cannon with the Utah County Sheriff’s Office. Cannon said Cromar has refused to pay taxes on his home for “quite some time,” so it was seized by the federal government and Cromar evicted. The government sold the home to a new owner, but Cromar and his wife moved back in “illegally” for several months, Cannon said. Both Cromar and his wife have been arrested and will be booked into Utah County jail. The squatters, who are supporters of Cromar, were armed with rifles and handguns, but did not fire any shots and no threats to law enforcement were made, Cannon said. Several left the area but two were detained after a standoff with SWAT and law enforcement officials. Cannon could not say whether they will be arrested. The standoff started “several hours ago” but was concluded by 9 p.m. Thursday.

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Boner Candidate #2: BUT WE’RE THE CHEER SQUAD!

ALTA, Utah — A video circulating on social media shows a high school cheer team getting together on school grounds for a planned dinner. Alta High School had officially closed their doors due to a spike in COVID19 cases. What appears to be a fun night, posted to social media — for Samantha Shirley, Merin Maughan and Emma Raymer felt more like a message. “We’re not a priority at our school and I think that has to change,” said Maughan, a Junior at Alta High School. Softball practice and so many other activities were cancelled when Alta closed their doors following a surge of COVID19 cases across the State. “I’m on debate and choir and I’m not allowed to meet with them either,” said Shirley, a Junior on the Alta High School Softball team. “To see this school group meeting together made me mad that they get to meet and we don’t.” While cases go up, Shirley said she worries her grades will go down — something she saw months ago when school shut down until August. “I failed four classes and to think that we may be shut down again is confusing and frustrating,” said Shirley. Raymer echoed her friend’s concerns.

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Boner Candidate #3: DESPITE HIS APPEARANCE, MICHEL IS AN ACIVE MEMBER IN HIS CHURCH COMMUNITY

An extreme body modification fan has unveiled his latest transformation. Michel Faro do Prado, 44, has been undergoing a number of procedures to achieve his “sinister creature” look. He has shaped his teeth into arches and even got two horns implanted onto his head. And now tattoo artist has taken his transformation even further – by completely removing his nose. In his recent Instagram photos, Michel has a gaping hole in his nose with a large piece of it being removed and stitched up. Details of the procedure remain unclear and the risks or health complications of the surgery are unknown. Michel’s wife, who specializes in body modifications, helped him to achieve his unique look. And now she claims he’s “only the third person in the world” to have completely removed their nose. He previously said: “I have been a tattoo artist for 25 years, most of my tattoos I get from artists and professionals who I have paid. I focus on blackwork and brutal tattoos, which are types of tattoos where you ink a large part of your body. “But my wife specializes in the area of modifications and the idea is for me to become her masterpiece when it comes to tattooing.”

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: 300 THOUSAND USED WHAT AGAIN?

Police in Vietnam said they found about 320,000 recycled used condoms that were being repackaged as new, local media reported on Thursday, according to the Associated Press. Market inspectors in the Binh Duong province raided a factory near Ho Chi Minh City, where they discovered used condoms being repackaged to be sold at the market. An inspector said the factory’s 34-year-old owner, a woman, confessed they purchased the condoms from someone else, the state-owned Tuoi Tre newspaper reported, according to the AP. After buying the condoms from a man, they were washed and reshaped, then packed in plastic bags, according to the newspaper. Video taken by Vietnam’s state broadcaster VTV and obtained by the Reuters news agency shows sacks filled with condoms. It also shows tools apparently used to wash and reshape the condoms in the factory.

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Boner Candidate #2: DON’T LET YOUR POOP PILE GET SO BIG

Mendlesham, ENGLAND — Firefighters in Britain said crews from three towns spent three hours extinguishing the flames from a blaze that started with a 22-ton pile of chicken manure. The Suffolk Fire & Rescue Service said crews from Leiston, Eye and Stowmarket responded to the property near Mendlesham when the foul-smelling fowl droppings erupted in flames. Officials said it took about three hours to extinguish the fire. No injuries were reported. Experts said the chemicals in poultry manure can cause spontaneous combustion when a pile becomes too large to allow heat to escape.

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Boner Candidate #3: A HAPPY ENDING FOR A HAPPY ENDING

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft is no longer facing charges related to his alleged involvement with solicitation of prostitution last year. Florida prosecutors on Thursday dismissed two charges against Kraft of soliciting a prostitute. The move was expected after prosecutors said earlier in the week that they would not appeal a court’s decision to block the release of a video that allegedly shows Kraft paying for sex acts in a massage parlor. “Although there was probable cause to make an arrest, the evidence cannot prove all legally required elements of the crime alleged and is insufficient to support a criminal prosecution,” state attorney David Aronberg wrote in court documents obtained by TMZ. Police say they obtained surveillance footage of Kraft paying for sex acts at the Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, Fla., last year. However, judges ruled that investigators did not protect the privacy of legitimate customers while recording footage inside the spa. That is why the video, which was the best evidence prosecutors had, was thrown out. When the story about Kraft originally came out, it was in the context of the massage parlor he visited being investigated for alleged sex trafficking. There have been no charges related to sex trafficking in the case.

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