ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: WHY DON’T YOU GO TO MARS NOW?
Elon Musk said the coronavirus lockdown diminished his faith in humanity. To emphasize the supposed ridiculousness of the quarantines, Musk boasted that SpaceX “didn’t skip a day” throughout the entire pandemic. “We had national security clearance because we were doing national security work,” he said. “We sent astronauts to the Space Station and back.” Later on, the automotive mogul addressed Bill Gates’ criticisms of his skepticism toward the coronavirus, which Musk called “dumb” in March. During a CNBC interview in July, the Microsoft founder claimed that Musk didn’t know much about vaccines and said he hoped that the SpaceX head “doesn’t confuse areas he’s not involved in too much.”
Boner Candidate #2: HEY, SHE THREW AWAY THE GUYS PIZZA
Charlotte County, FL — Deputies with the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office arrested a man following a domestic violence incident. The incident happened Wednesday, Sept. 23 at an apartment building in Port Charlotte. The victim told officers that her boyfriend, Sean Metcalf, had slapped her with a piece of pizza after she had attempted to throw a pizza box away. The victim told officers that Metcalf had angrily told her to not throw his dinner away. She threw the box down on the ground and told police he picked up on of the things away and became very angry. She told police Sean picked up a slice of pizza and hit her with it. The responding deputies noticed grease and sauce on her face and hair and immediately took Metcalf into custody. He admitted to losing his cool but he told officers he had no idea how pizza got all over the victim. Metcalf has been charged with Domestic Battery.
Boner Candidate #3: GEEZE WHAT DID THE GOOSE EVER DO TO HIM
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: THEY WERE VERY IMMATURE
MEXICO CITY (AP) — Archaeological authorities in Mexico said Tuesday they kicked some cast members of a popular local “Jersey Shore”-style reality show out of the Mayan ruins of Uxmal after they behaved “immaturely” and refused to wear masks or follow social distancing rules. It was the latest round of bad promotional work in Mexico’s desperate attempt to revive its tourism industry, which has been decimated by the coronavirus pandemic. It seems the young, ripped cast members of Mexico’s popular “Acapulco Shore” reality show and another contestant show — whom the state government of Yucatan described as “influencers” — were invited to tour the ruins soon after they were reopened in a bid to encourage tourists to return. But the National Institute of Anthropology and History said the half-dozen cast members “were asked to leave, in compliance with health rules.” Employees at the 1,000-year-old complex of Mayan temples, palaces and pyramid platforms said the cast acted “immaturely” and refused to follow posted rules requiring face masks and social distancing. Photos posted on social media showed them clowning around and posing in close contact atop one ancient structure.
Boner Candidate #2: IT’LL EVENTUALLY ERODE, RIGHT?
MONROE COUNTY, Fla. – A Homestead man was arrested Wednesday, Sept. 23, for dumping concrete in a posted wildlife area. Pedro Vasquez, 26, was charged with felony littering, according to a news release from the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office. A deputy with MCSO responded to the scene at the 3000 block of Grouper Drive in Marathon after reports of someone illegally dumping construction materials. The deputy found three piles of concrete in a grassy area near mangroves, which are protected in Florida. State and local regulations have been enacted to protect Florida’s mangrove forests. The deputy then walked up to a nearby construction crew and asked who is responsible. Vasquez eventually came forward and admitted to dumping about 350 pounds of concrete.
Boner Candidate #3: FOXY KNOXY WEIGHS IN
Amanda Knox is demanding answers about NXIVM cult leader Keith Raniere’s 2019 conviction. Knox signed a petition questioning whether there was “prosecutorial misconduct” in the case, which led to Raniere being found guilty of sex trafficking among other crimes. Knox knows a thing or two about sensationalized trials as her 2009 murder conviction was ultimately overturned by an Italian high court. Ahead of Raniere’s sentencing next month, Knox is among those supporting an initiative that aims to hold the prosecutors and judges accountable. According to the Albany Times Union, the petition demands the government answer whether they tampered with evidence, suborned perjury, threatened witnesses and more. She confirmed her signature when reached by the newspaper for comment. Amanda Knox is among a group of people, including NXIVM members, demanding answers ahead of Keith Raniere’s conviction. (Photo: Getty Images)
“I was contacted by some former members of NXIVM who claim that Mr. Raniere has been wrongfully convicted, and that the story being told in the media is wrong,” Knox told the Times Union. “I personally do not know enough about the case to make any judgments about whether his conviction is wrongful or not.
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