ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: WHO CARES AND ICK, ICK , ICK ANYWAY.
After some mirror selfies at a $30k Airbnb, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly both heavily implied that they had sex on the table. For whatever reason, this knowledge was important enough for the world to hear.
Boner Candidate #2: I JUST CAN’T STAY AWAY FROM THE PILLOW GUY. I CAN’T QUIT HIM.
After being released from prison for his participation in the January 6th insurrection, Doug Jensen violated his terms of release by secretly watching conspiracy videos in his garage.
Boner Candidate #3: GOV. ABBOTT HAS A PLAN, AND HE’S INSANE.
The incredibly restrictive, abortion ban in Texas doesn’t make any exceptions to victims of incest and rape. As a ‘solution’ Gov. Greg Abbott suggested that they should simply ‘eliminate all rapists from the streets of Texas.’
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: WHO STOLE MY DAMNED TRAILER?
A man in Sandwich MA dragged a 19 foot boat behind his truck after it had fallen off the trailer. He’s now facing a DUI charge.
Boner Candidate #2: MULTI TASKING LEADS TO DISASTER.
A man stabbed himself in the leg while driving, eating Taco Bell, talking to his friend on a speaker, and looking at a knife he was given.
Boner Candidate #3: I CAN’T FATHOM WHY ANYONE…
During yet another conspiracy filled rant, Alex Jones called Anthony Fauci a ‘murderer’ and appeared to take multiple pills of ivermectin. A horse medication that many far right people are using as Covid-19 treatments despite the warnings from doctors.
