Round One
Boner Candidate #1: WE’RE HERE. WE’RE HERE. WE’RE HERE ‘WE’RE HERE. WE’RE HERE’
A 30-year-old Spring Hill man is behind bars after Pasco County Sheriff’s deputies say he repeatedly dialed 911 while they were on the scene and then bit, punched and kicked deputies when they tried to stop him. According to deputies, on Tuesday night they responded to a 911 call for help from Kory Edward Sessions of Chorvat Avenue in Spring Hill. When deputies arrived, they said Sessions seemed to be under the influence of drugs. He began dialing 911 and, when a deputy asked what he was doing, he did not answer. Deputies told him to hang up or he’d be arrested for misusing 911 but they said Sessions continued to dial 911 five more times.When deputies went to arrest him, they said he grabbed a 2-month-old child and tried to run out of the house.
Boner Candidate #2: PARENTS THIS ISN’T INSTAGRAMS FAULT
A series of Instagram accounts has caused an uproar among parents and students at Valhalla High School. Parents shared with KSWB an apparent rating page that showed pictures of female students paired with a graph that graded their appearance, body and personality. Multiple pages with a similar setup existed, but have since been deleted. Susan Sange has a son who attends Valhalla High and was aware of the page. She also works with several of the women’s athletic teams at the school. “As a parent I am really disappointed in the kids who did this, or whomever is behind this,” Sange said. Isabel Valadez is a freshman at Valhalla High. She wasn’t shown on the page but several of her classmates were. “One of the girls started crying and then some others started crying because they were on the page,” Valadez told KSWB.
Boner Candidate #3: WHY CANT THEY JUST LEAVE GIRLS SCOUTS ALONE
A group of Girl Scouts selling cookies outside a Seattle, Washington, grocery store Sunday was robbed of the hundreds of dollars they had collected, police say. Officials with the Seattle Police Department said in an announcement Tuesday that the scouts were selling cookies outside a grocery store in the 11100 block of Roosevelt Way Northeast, when, shortly before 8 p.m. that night, a man ran up, grabbed their money bin and ran away. The bin reportedly contained more than $600. Jennifer Johanson, an adult who was helping oversee the girls’ cookie stand, said she noticed the man acting strangely before the incident occurred. “He came up a number of times asking about all the cookies and he bought some, and he returned them,” she told King 5. “He came back, and there was just something not right.”
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Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: I GUESS HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW IMPOUND WORKS
ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. – An Orange County man is under arrest after allegedly throwing Molotov cocktails at his own vehicle inside of an impound lot, according to an arrest report. “He came back and started throwing gas cocktail bombs over the fence on his own car,” said car lot owner Darnell Adams. An arrest report says the suspect, Ayub Abdulrahman, came to get his car back after it was impounded and set it on fire instead. The state fire marshal is now investigating what happened at the impound lot near South Orange Avenue and Fourth street. Adams said he was going to hand over the keys because Abdulrahman had already paid almost $300 to get this car out of the impound lot, but instead of it going home the burned-out car was stuck behind crime scene tape.
Boner Candidate #2: ADRIAN GREINIER STILL QUALIFY AS A CELEBRITY?
When Melodee Leiderman got a toy schnauzer last year, the Upper East Sider’s first bit of business was upping the number of guests when she made restaurant reservations. “I just take her everywhere,” says the mother of two, who claims her pup, Truffles — a non-service dog — is welcomed with open paws at Morton’s and Del Frisco’s. “I wasn’t worried about taking her. I saw everyone else doing it.” But doggy dining is driving some people barking mad. Restaurateurs say the wobbly balancing act between federal Americans With Disabilities Act rules and city Department of Health regulations have allowed a wave of non-service dogs to dine with impunity. In June, the NYC Commission of Human Rights issued a new set of legal guidelines regarding people with disabilities. Among other things, it reminds restaurants that they are forbidden to demand proof of either a person’s disability or an animal’s use as a service companion. So, while hosts at Del Frisco’s and Morton’s say that only service dogs are permitted, they rely on customers’ honesty.
Boner Candidate #3: ANOTHER TESLA DUMMY
You may recall back in late January we wrote about a guy sawing logs while his Tesla Model X handled the driving, at least as best it could, since, remember, it’s just a Level 2 semi-autonomous system and is in no way qualified to be trusted to drive a car without some human oversight. This was a bad idea. And it’s still a bad idea, even for this other sleepy dumbass spotted (apparently) snoozing in his Tesla Model S on a California highway. The seemingly unconscious driver was spotted by Seth Blake, a Floridian who was in California with his band, driving from Anaheim to Los Angeles, and who got his fiancée to record this video of what looked a hell of a lot like a sleeping Tesla:
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